COLLEGE - FRESHMAN & SOPHOMORE YEARS (SEPTEMBER '68 TO JUNE '70)

I was almost 18 and getting ready to go off to college. I was looking better than ever—I had grown my brown hair long and wore it in soft curls. I rolled it on giant sponge curlers at night to smooth it out, but I had difficulty keeping it from frizzing when the weather was humid. At those times or when I wanted to look especially good, I would lay my hair directly on the ironing board and iron it. We didn’t have straight irons, and nobody went to the beauty parlor to have their hair straightened, so the iron was really my only option. Carla did it too.

I wore hard contact lenses nearly all the time even though they were quite uncomfortable. Glasses were not cool—ever! No one wore them; and if you did, you were teased mercilessly. I was still so flat-chested that it was embarrassing beyond belief. No one wore padded bras (although I did use my mom’s foam rubber falsies under my prom dress) so I just had to learn to live with the teasing. I had heard through the grapevine that the St. Francis boys said if I stuck out my tongue and stood sideways, I would look like a zipper. Oh well, they wouldn’t have me to kick around anymore.

My health was pretty good but not great; I didn’t have anything seriously wrong with me. Sometimes I had asthma attacks when I was running outside or I would start wheezing when I lay down and would have to sleep sitting up against the headboard. When I used my over-the-counter inhaler, I could see my heart beating through my chest and I was jumpy beyond belief. I would still get stomach aches and they seemed more prevalent when I was nervous. My jaw locked up on me occasionally—which could be problematic when kissing. I had started having migraine headaches in high school. My vision would become dark in spots and I would see geometric patterns. Gradually the dark spots would take over my entire field of vision and I would get very dizzy. Once the vision problems went away, I would have a terrible headache sometimes accompanied by nausea and vomiting. It was especially bad when I had to cheer as that was impossible with a migraine. I remember one basketball game that was excruciating.

Before I knew it, summer was over and I was packing my belongings to move to the University of Cincinnati. Mom bought me some corduroy jeans and a few sweaters to take with me to college. I didn’t have any money so I never bought my own clothes until I got my first job after college. I remember feeling like everyone had more clothes than I did. Because the University of Toledo was right down the street, most of my friends didn’t go away to school. It wasn’t the same as it is today with kids checking out colleges across the country looking for the best fit for their major. Most middle income families could barely afford to send their kids to the college in their home town let alone pay room and board. Also there was very little scholarship money for those who weren’t underprivileged. My Dad made too much money even though he did have eight mouths to feed. I don’t know if that was even taken into consideration.

Other things were different too. We didn’t have computers so we didn’t choose our roommates. Since Mom filled out my college application, she requested a Catholic ballet major and that is exactly what I got. When the day arrived, Mom and Dad drove me to school and helped me move into my dorm. The dorm I was assigned, and where most of the lower classmen lived, was Daniels, a high-rise, all female dorm with four-to-a-room and bathrooms that served the entire floor. It was fairly new and quite roomy. Two beds were on one side of a partition and two on the other with a common area for closets and vanities. Our room was on the top floor. Daniels was the farthest from the Student Union and the College Conservatory of Music, where most of our classes were held. We ate all our meals at the Student Union. The food was decent but there were nowhere near as many choices as there are today. We could, however, drink all the soda pop we wanted and for that reason alone, I was in heaven.

Once my parents dropped me off at school and left, I felt very lonely. I didn’t know a soul and couldn’t call anyone as it would have been a long distance call. I was instructed to call my parents just once a week which, of course, I always did. I remember talking to Mom mostly and Dad in the background always telling us to wrap it up. Long distance calls were expensive.

I don’t know how it happened but I met Sue—wonderful, adorable Sue! I met Sue even before I met Linda Calendrino, my Catholic roommate. I don’t know how Sue and I discovered we were both ballet majors. Sue was on probation because of an injury, which meant she had to prove herself or she couldn’t continue as a dance major. I was so happy to meet someone who seemed as unsure and insecure about the ballet portion of college as I did. Shortly after we met, we went up to the roof of the dorm to check each other out. We compared feet, turnout, extension, etc., and I was happy to discover there was at least one person who wasn’t head-over-heels better than me. I am sure Sue felt the same way. She was scheduled to have surgery on her foot over the Christmas break and so had to take it easy until then. Sue lived on the same floor as I did with three other girls who, although none of them were ballet majors, seemed very nice.

Once school started, we were off and running. That first year, we took Ballet, Modern Dance, Ballet Ensemble, Western Civilization, English Composition, French and Ballet History. Our class was small—18 total although I can’t remember them all. Aside from me, Sue and Linda, there was Linda West, Diana Baer, Linda Gold, Jane Sidies, Gail Sydell, Mary Lee Vecchio, Diana Grumet, Barbara Bogash and Peggy Lyman. Barbara and Peggy were in the Company and were way more accomplished than the rest of us. Gail had gone to the Performing Arts High School in New York with Linda. Jane Sidies had only one hand and I am afraid we weren’t very friendly to her. There were probably a few more—there had to be a guy or two, maybe Angelo—but I don’t remember if any were a part of our class.

Western Civilization was by far our most time-intensive class that year. As dancers, generally, we didn’t have much homework—nothing compared to the average college students. Our French teacher was a dreamboat! Taking French after Spanish for three years in High School was different but it wasn’t difficult and the teacher seemed partial to female ballet dancers.

Many of our ballet classes were taught by “the other David”, someone I (in my infinite wisdom) thought was a moron. He was the “significant other” of the Director of the Department, Mr. McLain, (also named David) and I felt this David more-or-less got the job because of who he was sleeping with not because he was any good. I have to admit I was a little more than insulted when he gave me corrections and not very diplomatic in any of my dealings with him. I am sure it did not help my chances of someday becoming a part of the Cincinnati Ballet Company, something all dance majors aspired to.

Our other ballet teacher was Mr. Sabline, a temperamental Russian that I fell in love with. I craved attention from him during and after class; and I must say, for a time, I was a bit of a teacher’s pet. Mr. Sabline also taught Ballet Ensemble; and during my freshman year, I was given a starring role. Although I think the performance went well, I was a nervous wreck. While waiting to perform, I got chest pains and could hardly breathe. Luckily they went away.

Elaine Epstein was our Modern Dance instructor and Lucette Comer our Ballet History teacher. Honestly, I don’t remember much about Modern in those early years. I do know we learned a Modern solo and a Ballet solo to perform for “juries” during our freshman year. It was a frightening experience—all alone in front of the entire staff. I was so afraid I would forget the steps! But I guess I must have done well as, on my report card, I received an “A” in each. We also had to be weighed for juries and I remember weighing 108!

Classes didn’t leave much time for socializing except on weekends. Many days I took as many as four dance classes which didn’t leave much energy for anything else either. I saw Vinnie every weekend—he either came to my campus or I went to his. On Friday nights he would come to the dorm and we would walk to “The Jefferson”, a pizza joint about ten blocks from campus, or we would go to a free movie in the Student Center. One night we saw Elvira Madigan, a very sad love story, featuring the Mozart music I danced to in the Ballet Ensemble performance. We were often accompanied by Sue and/or some of her roommates or other friends. Linda met Mark, a musical theatre major, very early on. They were almost always together and didn’t hang with us much.

Guys weren’t allowed in the girls’ rooms except on special “visiting days” and then only for a few hours at a time with the door open, of course. We could visit with them in the lounge of the dorm—but it was often crowded as no one had anyplace else to go. We were lucky in that Vinnie had a car and we would often go park—to make-out or just be alone.

When Sue came to college, she had a long-time boyfriend back home named Warren. They had been going together for so long they both assumed they would eventually get married. According to Sue she was head-over-heels in-love with him. Therefore, I was a bit surprised when she started going out with a guy named, Gary, that we met at orientation. Sue and Gary quickly became inseparable—when Sue wasn’t in class, she was with Gary. I never liked Gary much but it could have been because I was jealous and wanted Sue all to myself.

After a quarter of hot-and-heavy dating, Gary mysteriously disappeared. He dropped out of school and moved back home. Sue was beside herself. She had broken up with Warren, her one true love, for Gary and now he had deserted her. When she wasn’t in class, Sue cried and cried. She wrote “Boys are shitheads!” on the wall beside her bed. We tried everything to get her out of her funk, but nothing seemed to help—only time. Slowly, Sue stopped thinking so much about Gary and life went on. Later Sue found out that Gary had flunked out of school. He did come back in the spring and wanted to pick up where they left off, but by then Sue had moved on. She heard from him one more time, after he joined the Air Force. He called to ask her to marry him! He definitely got what he deserved.

A few months into the school year, I became very homesick. Linda was spending time with Mark, Sue with Gary and I felt very much alone. Because Vinnie was at Xavier, I didn’t see him much during the week. In our dorm room, on the other side of the partition, lived two crazy, sophomore lesbians who stayed up all hours of the night reading weird poetry. I remember feeling very lonesome, trying to sleep and wishing I was safe back home with my Mom and Dad. I was too timid to ask them to keep-it-down. Luckily it wasn’t long before the roommates moved and I came to my senses. In fact, half-way through the school year, they moved out and Linda and I had the suite to ourselves.

One story Sue told me made me feel bold compared to her. One time in Pittsburgh, Sue was standing on a bus and a woman was standing with one of her spike heels on Sue’s foot. Sue didn’t say anything—she was too afraid of what the woman would say! Can you see why we got along?

The Vietnam War was escalating in 1968 and 1969 when we were freshman. The country decided to institute a draft and they held a lottery which decided by birthday who would be called up. If a boy was in college, he was automatically deferred until graduation—so this draft was definitely prejudiced against the poor. Vinnie’s birthday was chosen as number 6 out of 365. If he had dropped out of college, he would have immediately been sent to Viet Nam. That was some incentive to stay in school.

Aside from loving the Beatles in high school and playing a little guitar, it was in college that I really become interested in music. Because my parents weren’t big music lovers, and because I didn’t have excess money to spend on albums, I never paid much attention to pop music. I listened to the radio and had my favorite songs, but I rarely knew the name of the artist. While in college, I attended my first concert—I saw John Denver. He was so young, cute and personable that I liked him and his music instantly. Later that year, for Homecoming, I saw Peter, Paul and Mary. I also went with Vinnie to see Arlo Guthrie, famous for his song, Alice’s Restaurant. Not many of the young kids had ever even heard of his famous father, Woody. The opener for Arlo’s act was a band called, Santana, relative unknowns. The Grateful Dead also played on campus during my freshman year. With a couple of friends I went to the concert for a total of fifteen minutes. Their music wasn’t folksy enough for us.

Vinnie and I went to the Xavier Homecoming that year. There was a dance on Friday night and then the game was on Saturday. On Friday, Vinnie somehow procured a fifth of gin and we proceeded to drink it down. I have never been so sick in my entire life. I don’t think we even made it to the game. The smell of gin makes me sick to this day!

The first time I went back to Toledo was for Thanksgiving. Vinnie drove us the three hours home and it was nice to be back on familiar territory. Christmas was the last time I vacationed with my family. We drove down to Miami Beach and spent the holidays at the Blue Mist Motel where we had stayed frequently over the years. It made me feel rich to be spending the holidays in Florida. After that vacation, I worked for Kelly Girls every time I went to Toledo for an extended visit. All the money I made I gave to my parents for my education. I continued to receive only my $15/week the whole time I was in college. Luckily Vinnie had plenty of money and I never had to pay for anything.

Another lucky thing was that Sue had a credit card. Whenever she got sick of the Student Union food, and on Sunday nights which our meal cards didn’t cover, she would ask if I wanted to go for pizza. Usually I would tell her I didn’t have any money and she would offer to pay with her credit card. We would eat off-campus at La Rosas at least once a week and some weeks many more times than that. If I hadn’t been in the Dance Department, I might have been able to get a job and make some money. But we would frequently have practices for Ballet Ensemble in the evenings. No one in the Dance Department worked.

I developed a couple of very bad habits during my freshman year. One of them was frequently using the “F” word. Everyone did it and we thought it made us cool and grown-up. The other thing I took up was smoking cigarettes. Sue was very opposed to my smoking and constantly tried to get me to quit. Many evenings we would go up to the top of Daniels where there was a lounge with vending machines. We would buy Cokes and snacks; I would smoke and she would crab about it.

After Sue got over Gary, Vinnie fixed her up with a friend of his named, Mike. We went on several double dates. Sue remembers being mauled at the drive-in but I remember one night ending on a hill in Burnett Woods—making out. I don’t think Sue particularly liked this guy—it was more just to get her mind off Gary.

Sometime that year, Sue met a guy named, Ray, while she was tutoring through the Presbyterian Church. One night she dragged me with her because he wanted her to come over for dinner and to spend the night. We had a “sleepover” complete with blankets and pillows, but nothing happened. Sue wanted me with her to make sure it didn’t. I felt pretty out-of-place as I am sure that’s not what Ray had in mind. I felt very protective after what had happened with Gary.

I had a few dates my freshman year with guys I met at UC. One was with a rather nerdy guy named Leon. Sue would tease me when he would call and say, “Deon this is Leon”. I think he was the one who took me to the movie, Barbarella, with Jane Fonda—a rather racy flick. I wasn’t really interested. Someone I was interested in was John Glase, my godmother’s son, who was a year ahead of me. I walked to the Catholic Church nearly every Sunday for Mass and I would see him there. We talked and I flirted and he seemed to be interested too. He came from a big Catholic family. When I was little, I remember rattling off the names of his siblings to impress people—Jimmy, Johnny, Jeffrey, Joanie, Joey, Janette, Judy and Jay.

In the spring of my freshman year, Vinnie and I started having problems. I remember thinking he wasn’t treating me right. I didn’t feel special anymore when I was with him. He criticized me more and more and seemed to be getting more and more selfish. At the same time, my flirting with John started paying off. I had his phone number and he had mine. He invited me up to see his dorm room and we seemed to “hit it off”.

One day at The Jefferson, Vinnie and I broke up. It was a clean break—something I have never been able to do with anyone since. I left him looking sad and forlorn and haven’t seen him since. I did call him once many, many years later when Mom told me she heard he was in town. We talked a little but he didn’t want to see me. It makes me sad to think I know very little about someone who, at one time, was such a big part of my life. I know he married a woman with a child but never had children of his own. I know his step-child died in a diabetic coma in her early twenties. I also know Vinnie and his wife live in California.

So I basically went from the arms of Vinnie into the arms of John. I pretty much did that most of my life—I would want to break up with a guy but would wait until I had someone else on the line. I never wanted to be alone. I am not proud of myself for this, and I don’t think that’s the way it should be done; it’s just what I did. So, once again, I had my guy at school and at home—how convenient! John didn’t have a car that first year so I either rode the Greyhound Bus or flew back and forth from school to home. That was the first time I ever flew in a plane.

In April, Sue met another Mike, through a friend of mine, Glen Bitzenhoffer. He was the new guy in eighth grade at St. Pius who all the girls were in love with. I hadn’t even realized he went to UC until I ran into him at a football game. When I ran into him again in the spring, I was with Sue and he was with Mike. One thing led to another, and Sue and Mike became an item. I was never crazy about him either—but then I wasn’t the one who was dating him.

I got all A’s my freshman year. Sue, Linda and I pulled an all-nighter studying for the Western Civ final—I basically memorized 57 pages of notes. So freshman year was history and summer vacation was upon us. I went back to work for Kelly Girls and worked all summer. Because of my skills at typing and shorthand, there was never a problem placing me.

That summer I lucked out getting a job that lasted nearly two months working for Chrysler Motor Company in Perrysburg, about a 15-minute drive from our house. The job was fun and made me feel very grown-up. While working at Chrysler, I met a very attractive African-American boy named Merle who flirted with me constantly. At one point he asked me out and, although I was flattered, I declined. I knew it wouldn’t go over big with Dad.

John wasn’t nearly as rich as Vinnie so much of our time was spent hanging out at each other’s house. John had lots of brothers and sisters, so there was always something to do. One night I stayed for dinner and we had liver and onions. I believe that was the one-and-only time I have eaten liver in my life. John told me to smother it in ketchup and put it way back in my throat—so as to avoid the taste buds on the tongue. It seemed to work and I was very grateful as I didn’t want his mother to think I didn’t like her cooking. We only hung out once or twice a week as we weren’t really an “item” yet. We were just testing the waters.

Soon it was time to go back to school. Linda and I kept our room at Daniels and Sue and Linda West moved into the other side. We got along pretty well, as roommates go, but it soon became apparent that Linda West was a bit of an oddball (to put it nicely). She often pranced around au natural which was a little disconcerting to the rest of us. She also complained a lot about little things like me using her Kleenex (without asking) and discarding it without using it fully. That living arrangement lasted only a quarter or two with Linda Calendrino moving to Memorial Hall first and Sue and I following soon after. Linda Calendrino probably moved out because she was annoyed with me for borrowing her clothes all the time. I’m not sure where West went. Memorial was actually a much better choice of dorms as it was directly across from CCM where all our dance classes were held.

While we were at Daniels, a girl who lived across the hall from us mysteriously disappeared over the Thanksgiving holiday. The news was all over campus. We didn’t know her well but we had talked to her a time or two. She seemed like a nice girl. Later her body was discovered in Burnett Woods. I think they found out who had killed her a few years later. After that, there were no more midnight make-out sessions for us there.

Our room in Memorial was just down the hall from Linda’s who had a room to herself. Now that we were sophomores, we had some seniority and more choices. Memorial was a lot older than Daniels but it had more character—every room was a little different. The bathrooms were communal and pretty bad—but being able to roll out of bed and into class made it all worthwhile. We now ate at Sidall which was a nicer dining room than the Student Union. Also, the Dance Department was in its new, grander studios, in a wing that had just been built. Whereas before there was one tiny studio and a room where we all changed, now there were three studios, a locker room, bathrooms, mirrors, etc. We loved it!

Our classes were similar in that we still took Ballet, Modern, and Ballet Ensemble. We also took Ballet History but with a different teacher—P.W. Manchester, who co-wrote the “Dance Encyclopedia” with Anthony Chujoy. She knew everything there was to know about the history of dance and much of it she knew first-hand. Her class was inspiring and entertaining. Sue and I were the teacher’s pets—everyone wanted to sit by us (to copy off us). Our other classes were Music Appreciation and American History.

When I first got back to school, before John and I became a steady item, one of the guys in the Ballet Company named David Glazer fixed me up with a friend of his. In addition to being in the Company, David was a student at Hebrew Union College studying to be a rabbi—his friend was doing the same. I can’t even remember the guy’s name—I only remember making out in his dorm room one afternoon listening to Diana Ross sing, “Take Me Higher”. He used to call me shiksa, which means a non-Jewish girlfriend.

Mike, Sue’s boyfriend, also fixed me up with a friend of his named, Paul Corbin. He was a nice-enough guy, very much a red-neck from Southern Kentucky, but very cute. That also didn’t last long. He attempted to maul me repeatedly at the drive-in movies and I definitely wasn’t of the same mind. I wasn’t really interested in either of these guys, as I was sure I was meant to be with John.

Over the course of sophomore year, John and I became closer—in fact, he was my first lover. He lived in a house just down the street from campus with three other guys all of whom smoked pot. Since John didn’t smoke, neither did I. We did, however, spend hours in his tiny bedroom under a black light listening to Moody Blues. It was all very romantic. I made a scrapbook, put our pictures in it, and titled it, “Me and My Guy” just like my mother had done before she and Dad got married. I was sure he was THE ONE.

Occasionally McLain, the Artistic Director of the Cincinnati Ballet, would show some interest in me and invite me to attend Company class. As becoming a member of the Cincinnati Ballet was my dream, I was elated to be able to train with the Company. Unfortunately, mid-way through my sophomore year, I started having trouble with my right ankle. The pain became worse and worse the more I danced. I saw an orthopedic surgeon who gave me frequent cortisone shots to help alleviate the pain. His diagnosis was a stretched ligament—something he hoped would repair itself in time. I was still taking class but obviously not doing my best because of the injury. Right after the Christmas break, the doctor suggested complete immobilization and he put my leg in a cast up to the knee. Now instead of taking class, I watched which was frustrating and boring. I had the cast on for six weeks and I recall hitchhiking back and forth from John’s to campus (with John, of course) because I couldn’t walk. After I got the cast off, my foot was much better, but I felt I had lost much precious time. By the time half of my college career was over, I still hadn’t been asked to join the Company.

On May 4th of my sophomore year, something of major significance in the history of the United States occurred just 250 miles from where I was living. The National Guard was called upon to restore order at Kent State University because the students there were protesting the United States’ invasion of Cambodia during the Viet Nam War. The Guardsmen opened fire on the unarmed students killing four of them and wounding nine others. After the “Kent State Massacre” (as it came to be known), over four million students throughout the United States went on strike to protest the incident and the war. The federal government, afraid of more student uprisings, closed colleges, universities, and even high schools across the country. The University of Cincinnati was one of those schools closed.

The Friday after the Kent State incident, right at the end of class, I partially tore my Achilles tendon where it attaches to the calf muscle. I was favoring that foot due to the stretched ligament injury earlier in the school year. I landed a jump and felt a tear. I was having trouble walking and knew dancing was out-of-the-question. I was sick with worry about having to tell McLain, once again, that I was injured. The incident at Kent State saved my butt. I had the entire summer to recover. I have always looked upon the school closing as a total miracle. I had prayed for help and help came at exactly the right time. The tendon healed but I have a lump on my leg from the injury to this day.

That summer I got a great job with Kelly Girls right-off-the-bat. I started working for Owen-Illinois Glass Company. I worked in a few departments before I ended up in a trailer outside the main building. The group I worked for wrote computer software for computers the size of large file cabinets that used paper tape punched with holes. The holes were typed onto the tape much the same way data was later punched into a card. Inputting the data was my job. I had no idea how computers were programmed and that summer I became interested in learning. When I wasn’t particularly busy (which was often) I learned the basics of programming and programmed the computer to type, “I am not as dumb as you think I am,” when it was turned on. Everyone was very surprised and I felt very smart and appreciated.

That summer I also read two books (mostly during work) that I found fascinating—Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. I didn’t understand the politics at all but I found the stories engrossing. I have always loved to read; and many weekends, if I didn’t have anything else to do, I would read all day. I read “East of Eden” by John Steinbeck in one day. I couldn’t put it down.

The group at Owens Illinois liked me so much that, from then on, I had a job anytime I wanted to work. I worked for them the following summer, during Christmas breaks and spring breaks. The best part of it was I no longer worked through Kelly Girls. I worked directly for Owens Illinois so I made more money—even though I didn’t get any of it—and Mom and Dad were happy.

There was a young guy in the group at OI named Dave who had a withered arm. He was nice enough but he liked me way too much. One time I went with him up to Ann Arbor to visit the University of Michigan. He was very religious and I remember going with him to a church service up there. It wasn’t a Catholic church—I felt awkward because I ate the bread and drank the wine even though I wasn’t sure I should. He continued to like me for years even though I never reciprocated. One he even came down to visit me in Cincinnati. It was then that I told him he didn’t have a chance. I really didn’t know how to tell him and I am afraid I didn’t do a very good job of it. It really had nothing to do with his arm but I think he thought it did.

That summer John and I continued to see each nearly every day. His parents were gone because they were running a motel in the Michigan Upper Peninsula on Lake Manistique so we spent a lot of time at his house. One weekend we drove up to their cabins and stayed. I slept upstairs in the same bed with his sister, Judy, which was a little awkward. I remember having mountains of fried chicken for dinner. Kathy was a good cook and she cooked a lot. Everyone could have as much chicken as they wanted and there were even leftovers. That was a new concept for me as Mom never made extra food—it was always one piece each. I am glad Mom cooked that way as I could eat almost anything I wanted my whole life and not gain weight. I am surprised none of the Glase kids were heavy, but I guess it was because everyone was so athletic.

We had a great time that weekend up at the Lake. It was the first time I ever attempted water skiing and I was a natural. It was probably because of my strong legs and my ballet training. John and I even sneaked out for a rendezvous in the bushes once. I had to make sure I didn’t have any tell-tale leaves stuck to my clothes. Ah, to be young and in love! But soon the summer was over and it was time to go back to school and tackle junior year.