OKLAHOMA CITY MEMORIAL MARATHON - April 26, 2009

Why would anyone want to run a marathon? I am often asked this question and I always find it difficult to put my answer into words. Running a marathon is agonizing, excruciating, enjoyable, entertaining, exhilarating and mind-blowing—all within a relatively short period of time. It becomes increasingly difficult but more rewarding the further you run. Circumstances beyond your control can minimize or negate countless hours of strenuous training. But crossing the finish line will put a smile on your face no matter how much you have suffered. In addition, the self-congratulatory feeling endures for weeks, even months.

We had good reasons for wanting to run the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. My husband, Ed, and I had just finished running the New York City Marathon in November the year before, and our best friend and training partner, Larry, hadn’t made it into the lottery. We wanted to run a marathon with Larry—close to home so it wouldn’t be too expensive, and in the spring before it got too hot. The OKC Memorial Marathon is run in memory of the 168 victims of the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building on April 19, 1995. Their names are emblazoned on banners that hang from lampposts during the first few miles of the run. For that reason, it is billed as “A Run to Remember.” We found it memorable in more ways than one!

We started our training after the Christmas holidays when we are usually fat and happy. From January until mid-April we increased our weekly Saturday runs from 10 miles to 22 miles in addition to running 4 to 5 miles three times a week. Unfortunately (or fortunately as it turned out) for Larry, his knee started giving him problems and he had to withdraw near the final stages of the training. Initially Larry had planned to drive us to OKC and be our support; but when we discovered that a group from the Dallas Running Club had chartered a bus, we decided to let Larry completely off the hook and go it alone.

On the morning of April 25th, our daughter, Katie, drove us to the bus where our adventure was to begin. Ed and I had planned to join the Dallas Running Club years ago but somehow had never gotten around to it. One of my reasons was that I thought every DRC member ran a sub 4-hour Marathon and I thought we would feel out-of-place. I was surprised to discover that some of the people on the bus actually thought we were fast. It was a welcome surprise and one that made me feel especially comfortable around this former group of total strangers. Additionally and almost immediately, we met Ram, another person who appeared to know absolutely no one. Coincidentally, he teaches finance to graduate students at the Cox Business School at SMU. I have worked for the Cox family for 18 years and Ed is a financial analyst—a perfect example of synchronicity.

The ride from Dallas to Oklahoma City was pleasant talking to Ram and Libby. Libby was sitting behind us and had arranged the bus trip—she was in charge. There would be other DRC marathon trips in the future, possibly even one to San Antonio in the fall—our next scheduled marathon. When we arrived in OKC, it took nearly an hour to shuttle everyone to their respective hotels—ours was about 6 miles from downtown. We were there only long enough to grab a snack before the bus was back to take us to the Expo and Pasta Dinner.

The Expo was lame compared to New York City’s. I was surprised at how little Official OKC Marathon merchandise there was. We were also disappointed at the lack of freebies—not even any food let alone merchandise. I ended up buying a pair of blister-proof socks which, in hindsight, didn’t work at all.

At 6:00 p.m. our group met at the Renaissance Hotel to walk over to the dinner en masse. The dinner was held outdoors at the Memorial—the same place the race was to start the next morning. Although the food was pretty bad and definitely not worth ten bucks, it did give us a chance to explore the Memorial again and relive its quiet elegance. We had visited it about four years ago when our daughter, Ali, had a gymnastics meet at the University of Oklahoma. It is truly a monument to honor those who lost their lives in a senseless act and give hope to those living with its aftermath. We almost didn’t make it back to the bus we were so immersed in its serenity.

Back at our hotel, we prepared for the race. We laid out clothes, numbers, chips and shoes and turned in early as our alarm would wake us at 4:30 a.m. Busses were scheduled to shuttle us to the start beginning at 5:00 a.m. We figured if we boarded at 5:15 a.m., we wouldn’t have time for the free pancake breakfast provided by a neighborhood church, but we should have plenty of time to use the porta-potties before making it to the starting line. Those were “the best-laid plans of mice and men”.

The Marathon was scheduled to start at 6:30 a.m. When we got to the shuttle stop, there were roughly 15 other runners waiting; by 5:35, there were more like 60. We were panicking. Even if the bus came quickly, we were afraid we wouldn’t all fit. If anyone at all were on the bus already, some runners would be left waiting for the next bus. As fate would have it, we met two guys from Ft. Worth who had a car and invited us to ride with them. We were downtown, parked and through the potty line in a jiffy. As we shoved our way to our pace group leaders, we heard the National Anthem being sung. We couldn’t have timed it better!

The first few miles of the race were hot—it was 72 degrees with 80% humidity and the wind we had felt earlier while waiting for the bus had blown away (or so we thought). We found out later that the race was completely sold out—the marathon, the half, and the relays—bringing the total number of runners to roughly 19,000. We were thankful the sun wasn’t shining as that would have made it hotter, and thankful it wasn’t raining as we had heard it might. We were running in the 4:45 pace group and, for awhile anyway, it seemed perfect. I was glad that Ed and I were running together—we were enjoying the scenery and the feel of the pavement under our feet.

I had studied the course map some but, as I didn’t know the City, I wasn’t sure where we were most of the time. I knew we were running out to Lake Hefner and back—but that was about the extent of it. I was bothered by the narrowness of the streets and the crowding of the runners. It was difficult to stay behind the pace leaders but I was determined. I knew at some point the half marathoners would peel off and things would loosen up. We ran through downtown and Bricktown (home of the Oklahoma City Red Hawks). About 4 or 5 miles into the run, we were in an industrial area of the City heading straight for what seemed like miles. I turned my head at just the right time to see the Oklahoma City Ballet Company. As a former ballerina myself, I smiled at another seeming coincidence.

The Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon reminded me of the Dallas White Rock Marathon in many ways. As in Dallas, we ran through many parks and up many busy streets, sectioned off by orange rubber cones. Spectators were mostly waiting for friends and family members—some with signs. I don’t think many folks were there only to enjoy the show like in New York City. We also ran through neighborhoods where families sat on lawn chairs encouraging passing runners or offering treats. There were times when our pace leaders seemed to race ahead and I had trouble catching back up with them. But there were more times when they seemed to be running at just the right, comfortable pace. There were hills but they weren’t insurmountable. I felt pretty good. Little did I know that was all about to change?

The closer we got to the Lake, the steeper the hills and the stronger the wind. At some point near halfway or mile 13.1, I noticed Ed was no longer with me. The course made a loop to run alongside the Lake and I saw Ed a few minutes behind me, struggling with his head down. I called to him but he didn’t look up. I knew he was miserable because, as much as I hate wind, Ed hates it even more. I probably should have waited for him but I was still attempting to stay with the pace group although it was becoming increasingly difficult. In fact for the next couple of miles, I watched as their yellow balloons disappeared in the distance. The wind was not letting up; if anything it was becoming fiercer. Soon after that, however, I had a different challenge—I got a migraine!

I have been getting migraines most of my adult life; they started when I was in high school. I have had migraines while running a few times; but I usually take an over-the-counter medication after I finish my run and they go away. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any pills with me—that’s the last time I will run a long run without them. Migraines affect every sufferer differently. For approximately 20% of people, an aura precedes the headache. I get the most common aura which according to Medicine.Net is described as “flashing, brightly colored lights in a zigzag pattern known as fortification spectra”. No matter what it’s called, it is annoying to run without being able to see clearly. All I could do is pray it would go away.

So as I struggled to see and as I fought against the wind, I took deep breaths and prayed. I didn’t want to fail to finish—I guess that was my biggest fear. I realized it wouldn’t be the end-of-the-world, but I would be disappointed. I had never started a marathon I didn’t finish. Thankfully, after about 4 miles, the aura went away as mysteriously as it had come. I was elated—no matter how difficult it would be, I would finish! That kept me going despite the 30 mph wind in my face while I was running uphill.

The last 5 or 6 miles were grueling. Along one portion of the route that was especially steep and windy, spectators were yelling for the runners to walk and save their strength. It was true that one could walk nearly as fast as one could run—but without as much effort. I must say that I walked more in this marathon than I had in New York. But even when walking, at least I was going in the right direction. I started eating pretzels at the water stops because I realized I had probably lost a lot of salt. Again, that was a wise decision. I was able to delay my leg cramps until after I finished—and boy did I get a doozy.

At last the finish line was in sight; the agony was almost over. I crossed it with my arms raised high and a grin from ear-to-ear. I savored the moment. The medal was placed around my neck and I felt like an Olympian. My time was 5:02:29—not my goal of 4:45 but only 4 minutes slower than my NYC Marathon. Without the wind, I am sure I could have done much better. Only I knew what challenges I had faced and had conquered. I wolfed down a Carl’s Jr. Cheeseburger and some cookies; I scooped up a stylish forest green Finisher shirt, and I ran into Ed. He had finished only minutes after I did. Ram didn’t fare as well; although even with debilitating leg cramps, he finished in a respectable time.

At the absolutely perfect moment, a young man pedaling a bicycle rickshaw arrived to wisk us to the bus that took us back to our hotel to shower and check-out. The bus was farther away from the finish line than we thought and time was running short before we had to be back downtown to catch the DRC bus back home. Once on the shuttle, I noticed my feet were hurting. When I took off my shoes, my toes were a swollen and bloody mess. I think I will probably lose four toenails but it was well worth it. The bus ride back to Dallas was heaven. A couple of the blessed DRC runners handed out icy Shiners and Coronas. I had a peaceful, contented feeling that comes only after a hard-fought fight. In a few days, we would start training for San Antonio. In our minds, the 2009 Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon was definitely “A Run to Remember”.

KOREA TRIP - 2001

Introduction

From the time I married Ed in 1995 and adopted his two Korean children, we had talked about going on the Dillon International “Homeland Tour”. The purpose of the tour is for the adoptees who are “raised in the American culture and ways…to visit Korea to learn about their birth culture, roots and the Korean language”. When I got a bonus in the year 2000, we figured that financially we could make the trip in June of 2001. Alexandra, my biological daughter who was 12, would also be making the trip.

Andrew had been having a difficult time during the past few years. Some of the challenges he was experiencing were natural and normal for a boy of 13—like wanting to fit in and be accepted by his peers. Others were magnified because of his obvious physical differences. We knew he needed to get some answers to identity questions, which could only be answered in Korea. All adoptees need to come to terms with the question of why they were given up. To make matters worse, Andrew’s first adoptive mother died when he was only five compounding his abandonment issues. For Katie, who was 10, this would just be a fun trip.

During the year we waited, we were very busy preparing for the great adventure. Dillon, the adoption agency that placed Andrew and Katie with us, sent information monthly on such topics as obtaining our passports, filling out paperwork to obtain additional information on Andrew and Katie’s birth families, reading materials to prepare us for the culture shock and purchasing items for the tour. We also tried to save some money so that we would have the $13,000 necessary to pay for the trip (this included airfare, room and most meals) plus an additional $2,000 to pay for things not covered. All three of the kids got 63,000 won (equivalent to $50) from some good friends for Christmas and an additional 63,000 won from us for Easter.

Dillon gave a Thanksgiving dinner in Dallas and we met Mr. Chae who was to be our tour guide. The last thing he said to us was, “See you in Seoul”.

In February we bought a CD-Rom titled “Beginning Korean”. At the time we started studying the language, we knew only one or two words. When I first listened to the spoken word, it sounded so unintelligible I almost gave up before I started. Gradually I began to tune my ear to some of the Korean words and phrases. We studied diligently Monday through Friday for a half hour on the way to school everyday. We learned a few phrases or a few words a day. By the time school was out at the end of May, we knew five pages of Korean. Next we tackled the Korean alphabet so we could read signs and wouldn’t feel completely lost. We were surprised at how simple it was.

The last couple of months before the trip we did a lot of shopping. We had to make sure the kids had enough underwear and socks and also enough “appropriate clothing”. We were told that Korean’s are very modest so short shorts and tank tops were out. That wasn’t a problem for Andrew, age 13, as teenage boys wear everything baggy—but for the girls and me it meant lots of new clothes. We also bought ponchos as we were going during the rainy season. A travel pouch for the passports, a travel iron and hair dryer, voltage converters and adapters and two small fans were also on the list of suggested items that we purchased.

Lastly we bought gifts. Korean people are big gift givers so we were told to bring wrapped gifts, perhaps something relative to the state where we lived. We purchased western belt buckles for the two Dr. Kims (as we live in Texas). These gentlemen head the Eastern Social Welfare Society, the Korean agency that works with adoption agencies worldwide placing Korean babies in loving homes. We bought cowboy boot candles and picture frames for the foster mothers who cared for Andrew and Katie until they were adopted. Ed took pictures of the kids with our new digital camera (also purchased for the trip) and printed them out on the color printer. We bought three baby outfits as a donation to E.S.W.S. and a statue of a cowboy on a bucking bronco for the Korean family who would have us to dinner and be our host family.

After school was out, we talked to Andrew and Katie about what E.S.W.S.’s search for their birth families revealed. Unfortunately, neither child would be meeting their birth mother. This was very disappointing to Andrew as he had been very excited about the possibility. Eastern had tried to find his mother but had reached a dead end. She had given a false registration number, the equivalent to our social security number. We also told Andrew about the existence of a brother about ten years older than Andrew. Katie was too young to initiate a birth family search but we did give her more information about her origins. Because of the shame involved in having an illegitimate child in Korea, Katie may never meet her birth mother. We tried to shift the focus to the foster moms who they were going to be able to meet.

As our departure day approached, we washed clothes and packed nightly. There seemed to be endless last-minute tasks such as stopping the paper, holding the mail, setting sprinklers around the yard on timers so the lawn wouldn’t die, and arranging our transportation to and from the airport. Bills had to be paid in advance so we wouldn’t incur any late fees while we were gone. We also had to make sure our families and the alarm company had our emergency numbers.

Saturday, June 23rd

At last the day arrived. We left our house at about noon on our way to Pat and Sherry’s house. They drove us to the airport in our van after a tour of their beautiful new home and yard. The kids were wishing we had time for a quick dip in their pool as the temperature hovered around 90 degrees.

Before boarding the plane to Los Angeles, we met the first of our fellow Dillon tour travelers. Greta, one of the tour leaders, and her daughter, Meredith (who is 8) were easy to spot as they had the red flagging on their bags given us by Dillon and also because Meredith is obviously Korean and Greta has blond hair and blue eyes. While the kids were looking at magazines, we noticed two other Korean girls who we later found out were Kieran and Anna. Kieran was 15 and traveling with her mother, Mary. Anna was also 15 and is the daughter of Beverlee Einsig, the tour leader who we later dubbed “Big Mama”. We had known Beverlee for many years as Dillon often hosted events in Dallas for adoptees and their families. We had recently been to a picnic given by Dillon where Beverlee had given us our airline tickets and trip t-shirts. Beverlee had gone to Korea with another Dillon Homeland tour group in early June and was there between tours awaiting our arrival.

The plane ride to L.A. seemed long and uncomfortable. We wondered how we would ever survive our 13-hour overseas flight.

When we landed at LAX, we hooked up with Lonna, the other tour leader and her daughter, Lauren, who was 13. I had met Lonna by e-mail earlier in the week when I sent her questions about the type of electrical plugs available in Korea. Altogether we waited for the Marriott shuttle bus to transport us to our hotel. The kids eyed each other cautiously except for Andrew who was obviously smitten with Lauren. We realized by looking at our tour list that there were many more girls than boys on the roster.

The weather in L.A. was a balmy 75 degrees. Since we planned to swim, this wasn’t such a good thing. The hotel was very nice and we had a room with a balcony overlooking the pool area. The kids and I braved the cold water with an occasional dip in a hot tub filled with little kids. There was a bar in the middle of the pool; but by the time we got around to ordering something, they had closed. There was also a workout area by the pool and the kids and I tried the stair steppers, lifecycles and treadmills. It was there that we first noticed the twins, Bridget and Brenna, age 19. It was obvious who they were once they started talking to their Caucasian parents. They were very pretty girls and looked to be in great shape.

We decided to take a walk to find a place for dinner. There was a restaurant in the hotel but it was where we were scheduled to have our orientation meeting in the morning. We probably walked over a mile while the kids carried on their usual incessant questions and bickering. They had been wound up and excited all day, and it hadn’t let up any yet. We started getting into a rather seedy area of town, walking under a long bridge that reeked of garbage and urine. Shortly thereafter we found a Mexican restaurant that seemed to fit the bill. We realized we probably wouldn’t be eating beans, rice or guacamole for some time. Dinner seemed to help our moods and during the walk back there was less arguing. We talked about our expectations of the trip and of Korea.

Back in the room we tried to stay up as long as we could. We knew Korea was 16 hours ahead of Los Angeles so we decided to get onto the plane tired so we could sleep during the first part of the trip. When we arrived in Korea it would be 6:30 p.m., and by the time we got to the guesthouse, it would be time for bed. We watched TV and played Scrabble until about 2:00 a.m. Even though we were tired, nobody slept very well. Ed and I were both up at 6:00 a.m. preparing for the breakfast meeting. We were told to be packed and ready to leave for the airport immediately following the meeting.

Sunday, June 25th

All the tour participants met at Allie’s American Grill at 8:30 a.m. We sat with Austin, age 12, Amara, age 9 and their parents, Susan and Mike. Susan, who had studied Korean for a year at a Community College, immediately intimidated me. I labeled Susan one of those mothers who make me feel guilty because I work and can’t spend my days doing Martha Stewart-like things for my home and my children. We learned that after the scheduled 2-week tour, they were traveling to Chejudo Island for a family vacation—and we had barely scraped the money together for the tour. It was instant jealousy, pure and simple. Darcy, the only adoptee traveling alone, was also at our table. She was mousy and shy. We headed up to a sumptuous buffet to load up our plates because we were told it would be many hours before we would eat again.

At the meeting, everyone introduced themselves. There were five couples traveling with their children—we were the only ones who had three. There were six mother and daughters and two single women—Darcy and Duk Kyung, who works for Dillon helping to locate birth families and birth places. Duk Kyung had stayed over in Korea with Beverlee after the first tour. The family who had the only other boy (David, 13) and only other girl not from Korea (Leah, 11, who is from Laos), flew over separately from the group because they could use Ron’s frequent flyer miles.

Lonna and Greta gave us instructions on our trip to the airport and some behavioral tips, most of which I knew from reading “Culture Shock” by Sonja V. and Ben S. Hur. No spaghetti straps, short shorts or pants on the tours of Eastern or at the host family. Always give gifts and accept gifts with both hands. Be prepared to take your shoes off at any time by carrying a pair of socks in your backpack. Bare feet are considered impolite. Hugging members of the opposite sex is not appropriate, but hugging members of the same sex is fine and done often. Don’t laugh out loud—cover your mouth and titter. Don’t eat with your fingers—even when eating an egg roll. And lastly, each person should have in a carry-on bag a good set of clothes and the gifts for the Dr. Kims in case our luggage doesn’t make it.

Well that last piece of advice sent us into a tizzy. We had packed an extra set of clothes for each of us—but it wasn’t our dressy clothes! We charged upstairs to rearrange our bags—tempers flaring. Why hadn’t they told us this vital piece of information? Well, we made it just in time to catch the shuttle to the airport. We angered a group not from our tour that claimed to be ahead of us in line.

The airport was utter chaos. It was hard to keep the group together when we weren’t even sure yet who was in the group. The kids in their excited states tended to charge here and there looking at everything while we barked orders to stay with us. I envisioned disaster. Katie and Amara were already becoming fast friends, as were Austin and Andrew. I noticed Andrew still trying to get Lauren’s attention, but she just wasn’t interested. Ed, Ali and I talked to the people from South Dakota—Gail, Gary and Melissa. Melissa was 19 and home after her first year away at college. Gail and Gary seemed unpretentious and sweet.

Things went more smoothly after we sent our bags through the x-ray machine. We lined up our bags in a row and were told to meet back in a half hour. The girls and I went looking for a bathroom and some water. We were told the key to jet lag is to stay hydrated. I wasn’t putting my best foot forward not having my water bottle filled and with me. That would be the last time that happened. We finally did find a drinking fountain and I guzzled it down. Andrew went in pursuit of some way to spend some money. He came back with candy—of all things. Had he forgotten we had brought one suitcase full of snacks out of which each child had already filled a freezer bag full for the plane ride?

We all walked calmly to the gate and saw our Asiana plane just outside the window. On the wing we noticed the Korean writing and the Korean flag—we just had to take a picture! The kids played and the grownups talked. After looking at our boarding passes, we noticed Andrew wasn’t sitting with the rest of us. He was bummed—not because he wasn’t sitting with us. He wanted to sit by Austin. Fortunately everyone was flexible and spent time in more than one seat during the 13- hour flight.

The flight attendants were most memorable. They gave us our first taste of what Korea would be like. They wore gaily-colored uniforms with sleek black hair in buns. They beamed constantly from ear to ear and were very helpful. We ate our first meal right after the plane took off. We had our choice of beebimbap, which is a mixture of vegetables mixed with bean paste, or chicken. I chose the chicken thinking it might be my last Western meal for a while. The kids chose beebimbap and it looked good. Shortly after dinner the movies started. I sat next to Ali and explained “Traffic” to her—a movie about drugs and drug dealers. After a small snack, we watched a comedy with Chris Rock. It made the time pass. We had a few hours of lights out after the second movie and then breakfast was served.

We walked around a lot the last few hours. Everyone was getting antsy to be there. We were also exhausted. No one slept much. I think the girls slept about 2 hours each. I might have dozed off for a half hour or so.

We visited and got to know each other. I talked to Merry and David C., a couple from New York, who were traveling with their daughter, Liz, who was 25. Merry was 54 so we talked about hot flashes, estrogen, getting old, etc. Amara and Katie were still having fun together as were Andrew and Austin—playing their Gameboys. Ali talked to Meredith, although she eyed the older girls.

Throughout the trip we were able to chart the plane’s progress on the movie screen. It showed where the plane was in relation to the other land masses, how high we were flying, what the local time and temperature were at our destination, and most importantly, how much time we had left before landing. When there was only about an hour left, two people seated in airplane seats appeared on the screen to lead us through a series of exercises designed to be performed while seated. Most of us giggled our way through them.

Monday, June 25th

When we arrived, we were almost too tired to be excited. We got our bags, went up to an agent one-by-one to have our passports stamped, and turned in our visa cards. We exchanged a little money (it was so fun to get all those won) and then met Beverlee, Duk Kyung and Mr. Chae for a group picture. We all wore our Dillon International Tour 2001 t-shirts and stood behind a banner that said, “Welcome To Your Motherland – Korea”. My eyes were red and sore from lack of sleep and from air blowing into them from the vents.

We took our bags out to a waiting truck and boarded a bus that was to be our tour bus for the next two weeks. Susan thought she had lost one of her bags—she picked it up from the baggage carrousel but hadn’t seen it since the picture was taken. It turned out someone had picked it up and thrown it in the truck on the bottom. She was worried Mike was going to be upset with her when he got on the bus, but he looked more relieved than angry. Once the bus was underway, Mr. Chae introduced himself and the bus driver, Mr. Chong. He told us it would be about an hour to the E.S.W.S. guesthouse in Seoul. He also asked how we liked the new airport, Incheon, which had only been open a few years. It was big, bright, and modern. It was built on an island and a bridge that was miles long connected it to mainland Korea. The weather was cool and pleasant. Most of us snoozed during the ride.

Check-in at the guesthouse was chaotic. The one elevator moved at a snail’s pace. Bags were everywhere and it was difficult to get to Beverlee who was passing out the keys. When we got ours, we went to our rooms—413 for us and 414 for the kids (right across the hall). Beverlee and the other escorts’ rooms were on the 6th floor, two families were on the 5th floor, but the rest were on our floor. Luckily there were two kitchens.

The rooms were similar to dormitory rooms—small with a bed, dresser, wardrobe, TV and bathroom. Two pair of slippers were placed at the doorway, reminding all who entered to remove their shoes. This was a big hassle, as most Westerners don’t wear slip on shoes. After the first couple days, most of us got very lax with this rule; but from the dirty carpet, we could tell we weren’t the first. In front of the bathroom door was a pair of rubber slippers as this room had a drain in the middle of a floor that sloped toward it. Bathrooms in Korea are cleaned by hosing them down. Shower curtains hang on the outside of the tub and excess water just flows down the drain. It is necessary to step over a ledge when entering the bathroom. This ledge prevents water from going elsewhere in the room.

The rooms seemed plenty cool as each had its own air conditioner. The bathrooms were equipped with hair dryers that worked in round plugs, but the rooms also had “American” plugs with “American” voltage. We cursed ourselves for leaving our video camera charger home because it wouldn’t work with our voltage converter.

After putting our bags in our rooms, we met for snacks and a brief meeting in the 4th floor dining room that was actually a part of the administrative offices and not the guesthouse. Beverlee went over our schedule for the following day—when to meet, what to wear, what to bring and also special meetings. Duk Kyung told us Katie’s meeting with her Foster Mother would be at 1:00 p.m.—right after lunch. Andrew’s wouldn’t be until Friday, July 6th, the day before we were to leave. After the meeting, we puttered around the big kitchen getting a cup of tea, and putting a few of our things away. We were in bed by 10:00 having been up about 30 hours.

Tuesday, June 26th

In the morning we were told to get our own breakfast and then meet in the chapel on the 4th floor by 9:30 a.m. We were to dress up and bring our gifts for the Dr. Kim’s and the donation to Eastern. That first morning in the kitchen we met Ron, who was the father of David and Leah. Ali had high hopes that Leah would be her special friend, as she was closest to her age, but they were dashed when she saw her. Leah was a little bitty thing who turned out to be more on Katie’s level than Ali’s. In talking to Ron, we knew than David and Andrew would get along fine. After a breakfast of toast, juice and a soy bar we headed to the chapel.

The tour of E.S.W.S. began with a talk by the younger Dr. Kim who is the current CEO. After the talk he gave each of us a gift. All parents received a picture book of the different facets of Eastern and the kids each received two cups with the Eastern logo. Next there was a touching video presentation that left most of us in tears. That was followed by a walking tour where we split up into three groups. Our guide was Ms. Park who also served as our interpreter at the meeting with Katie’s Foster Mother. Ms. Park became a special friend and we were glad we had an extra gift for her. During the tour, we saw many babies being cared for by their foster mothers coming into the Center for check-ups, shots or formula. One of the women talked to Andrew in Korean giving me a chance to say, “He doesn’t speak Korean”. They smiled and nodded knowingly. We recognized the chair where all babies sit for their first picture. Ed took a picture of Katie and me in the very same chair. We saw the nursery where Katie and Andrew (and most of the other kids on the tour) spent their first days. We also saw the file cabinets where information is kept on each child—it took up a whole room.

At the end of the tour, each group met first with the younger Dr. Kim and then with the elder Dr. Kim. Each of them talked to the kids, asked them questions about their lives and made them feel special. Especially with the elder Dr. Kim, I felt I was in the presence of a saint; he was such a kind man. If not for him, thousands of children (including our own kids) would be living their lives under much different circumstances. The tour was followed by a traditional Korean meal where everyone ate too much. The food was just too delicious to pass up. At the urging of the younger Dr. Kim, Katie and Ali played their N’Sync duet on the piano after which David played a very difficult classical piece. I think Andrew was a little jealous that David played so well.

Most of the tour participants had some free time before the next stop on our itinerary, but we were scheduled to meet Katie’s Foster Mother. While we waited for her to arrive, Ms. Park let us look through Katie’s and Andrew’s file. There wasn’t much in the files we didn’t already know, although we did write down the Korean names of their mothers and fathers. In Katie’s file we also discovered she has two older half-siblings of whom we were previously unaware. The letter we had received from Eastern in the Spring said it was not known whether her mother and her husband had any other children before Katie.

Once Katie’s Foster Mother arrived, through an interpreter we told her about Katie’s life in Texas—basically a synopsis of all that had happened since she last saw Katie almost 10 years ago. Ali and I practiced our broken Korean while Katie appeared to be tongue-tied. We took lots of pictures. Much to my amazement and embarrassment, her Foster Mother gave Katie an exquisite red and blue hanbok that fit perfectly. We hadn’t brought her anything near that expensive or elaborate. Curious because of the obvious cost of the gift, I asked how many babies she had cared for in the course of her career. She said approximately 70, but Katie was only the third who had come back for a visit.

Next our agenda called for a bus ride through Seoul to the Han River for a relaxing boat ride. We cruised up and down the river for about an hour noticing the thousands of apartment buildings that house the city’s 11 million inhabitants. Passengers looked at us curiously and one even ventured a question—who were we? They all smiled approvingly when we told them. We were glad, as we had been told not everyone would greet us with open arms. Many Koreans don’t believe in adoption.

After the cruise, we had our first taste of what was to become our most fun tour activity—shopping. We were dropped at Itaewon, a mostly outdoor market that makes Target look expensive. First we all went together to order silver necklaces. Katie wanted “Yun Hee”, her Korean name, on hers. Ali ordered hers with “Ali”, and I got mine with “Omma”, meaning mother. We would go back later in the week to pick them up. Then we were on our own for almost two hours to browse and bargain. Most of the merchants speak English and most even take U.S. money. The market is very close to the Army base so we saw many Americans in uniform. We tried “Ol-ma-ye-yo”, which means, “how much is it”, but often we received the answer in English. When it was in Korean, it took us awhile to decipher it, as our ears weren’t attuned to the Korean accents. Andrew bought six or seven items that first day. Ed got a sweatshirt for only 16,000 won ($12) that was thick and fluffy. I got a few gifts for people back home. But most of all, I got the shopping fever.

We met for dinner where the bus had dropped us off. Bulgogi, which is shredded, marinated beef, was the menu item for the evening. It was cooked at our table al la Benihana. Mr. Chae told us to wrap the cooked beef in a lettuce leaf and add to it any of the ingredients scattered around the table in little bowls. I especially liked it with garlic and bean sprouts. It reminded me of fajitas. We were able to order beer, coke or cider to drink. Cider is the Korean version of Sprite and tastes nothing like the cider we have in the U.S.

When we got back to the guesthouse, we attempted our first load of laundry. The washing machine looked very foreign and more like a spacecraft than a washing machine. Luckily there were a few words written in English on a piece of paper glued to it. We put in our first load; Ed pushed some buttons; lights went on and it was off and running. The only problem, three hours later it was still running. At that point, I attempted to stop the machine, thinking the clothes had to be clean and I would just put them in the dryer. However, once the machine was turned off, I couldn’t get the door open or get it started again. I was forced to call for help. Unfortunately, I hadn’t yet figured out how the phone worked. Earlier in the evening our phone had rung, and I had tried to answer it to no avail. I went up to the sixth floor to get one of the escorts. Greta looked at the washing machine and Lonna looked at it, but finally Duk Kyung was able to get it started again. She explained that the little lights actually mean something—the number of cycles for each phase of the washing process. It had run through 3 wash cycles, 3 rinse cycles, and 3 spin cycles. No wonder it took so long. Luckily, because of the jet lag, I woke up about 4:00 a.m. and so was able to put that load in the dryer and start another one. Before we went to bed, the girls and I managed to get in about 45 minutes of stretching and exercising. It felt good to be doing something after such a long plane ride.

Wednesday, June 27th

We met bright and early ready for a four-day road trip. Beverlee told us not to bring any big luggage, as we would only have underneath the bus for storage. Ed took this to mean only bring the bare necessities so we traveled very light. Our first stop was supposed to be Everland, an outdoor amusement park, but it was raining. The kids were bummed because we would have to go to Lotte World instead.

By the time we arrived, the rain had stopped. We took some pictures of the outside of the building and the pretty flowers that lined the path to the door. It looked like a fun place—an indoor amusement park! The kids were all questions—were there rides? When we walked inside, Ali noticed the low ceilings and said, “Well if there are rides, they couldn’t be much fun”. After we got our tickets and walked through the turnstiles and into another room, she quickly changed her mind. There were rides as far as the eye could see. The only problem was, where to start.

Mr. Chae took the whole group on the first ride. Motorized cars propelled us mostly through dark alleyways where we saw mechanical figures portraying scenes that reminded me of “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves”. Some of the scenes were pretty bloody, with figures undergoing various forms of torture. It was all very well done though and quite impressive. We followed Mr. Chae to the next ride that reminded me of the “Back to the Future” ride at Universal Studios. It was a simulation. You watched a movie and your chair moved in ways that made you feel like you were in the scene. Unfortunately, Ed missed this one, as we didn’t have a clear picture of what it was going to be before going in. Ed hates rides, but I’m sure he would have liked this one.

The group, minus Ed and a few others who didn’t like rides, proceeded next to the roller coaster. It was a pretty good one with several thrilling hills and turns. At that point, Katie wanted to stop and get some ice cream, so we lost most of the others. Leah and her Dad came with us and the four of us rode a ship that rocked back and forth and nearly touched the ceiling it went so high. We caught up with Ali, Tasha, Anna and Lauren on the log ride. Ali looked really happy and like she had made some new friends.

Time was running short. Katie and I headed over to get some lunch and ran into Ed who had just finished eating with Beverlee, Duk Kyung and Mr. Chae. I attempted to use my Korean to order lunch, but failed miserably. My only success was ordering dagogi (chicken) because I knew how to say that. I later found out from Ed that the hamburgers didn’t taste much like American hamburgers so I guess it was lucky I didn’t order one. We hadn’t seen hide nor hare of Andrew since the group first broke up. We hoped that he knew to eat lunch before meeting again to board the bus. Luckily it all worked out and everyone showed up on time and with full stomachs. Of course, I reimbursed Andrew and Ali for their lunches, as they were not about to use their own money on that. Unfortunately for the kids, but fortunately for Ed and me, we only stayed at Lotte World for three hours.

We made a stop at a bank inside Lotte World to change money before we left the city. Besides being an indoor amusement park, Lotte World is also a mall. While we waited for everyone to finish at the bank, I looked for some postcards using my Korean. Ed was very proud of me when I came back with two packages of sixteen cards each. They were very cheap—only 3,000 won—equivalent to $2.25. One more stop before boarding the bus. I took a small group to look for a bathroom, again successfully using my Korean.

It was almost 1:00 p.m. before we finally started on our journey to Kyungju. We were told it would take approximately 4 ½ hours. Once Mr. Chong maneuvered his way through several traffic jams and we were out of the city, we saw beautiful rolling hills. There were many farms with rice fields and grapes along the road as well as row upon row of plastic greenhouses that we were told were used to grow many different kinds of fruits and vegetables.

We tried to write postcards but gave up because of the bumpiness of the road. We decided instead to talk to Ron who was sitting behind us. He talked to us about the problems he and his wife, Sherry, have had with their son, David, in the last few years. They plan to send him to military school in Georgia in the Fall hoping it will help with his lack of direction and organizational skills. Ed had the same thought concerning Andrew not long ago, but the expense would be prohibitive. David’s problems sound very similar to Andrew’s. He rarely does his homework; and when he does do it, he loses it before he has time to turn it in. He also has problems with managing his anger. We found out later that he too is taking Prozac for depression. Ron told us that when we get to Pusan, David is going to meet his birth family once again. He met them for the first time about three years ago. When David’s biological mother found out she was pregnant with David, she wasn’t married and the biological father didn’t have a job. A few years later, however, they got married and now have two additional children. The whole family was going to spend the two days with us in Pusan.

After a couple of hours on the road, we stopped at a rest area. Bus drivers are required to stop every two hours to take a break. This was our first opportunity to use a “squatty potty”, the toilets in Korea I had read about but had never seen. They are very similar to urinals built into the floor. You squat over them to go and then push a foot pedal to flush. It’s very difficult on the knees, and I wondered if it ever became a problem for older Koreans. The Americans in our group definitely didn’t like them.

Rest areas usually have many different shops—cafes, souvenirs, convenience stores—as well as machines with everything imaginable, so we rarely came back to the bus empty handed. It was common for nearly all the kids to buy an ice cream cone at every stop as they were only one or two thousand won. The adults usually came back with bags of goodies that they passed around. After trying many snack foods, I decided American snacks are much more flavorful but probably less healthy. The Korean snacks tended to be not salty enough or not sweet enough which may be part of the reason you rarely find an overweight person in Korea.

We stopped in the city of Taegu so Melissa and her Mom and Dad could go into the hospital where she was born. It was hot and steamy outside. Mr. Chae told us that Taegu is usually 10 degrees hotter than Seoul and boy did it feel it. While we were waiting, a group of us decided to go to the bathroom in a nearby department store. When we came back, I looked for Ali but couldn’t find her anywhere. I had a moment of panic but Beverlee pointed out that a number of other people were also missing. After waiting about 15 minutes, Ali came back with about six others. Greta told us that Ali had saved the day by asking for the bathroom in Korean when no one else was having any luck getting the point across. Greta even made an announcement once we all got back on the bus that I could tell made Ali feel really good. After about 45 minutes Melissa and family returned from their tour and we resumed our journey.

During the rest of our bus ride, Mr. Chae told us about the history of the region we were about to visit. Kyongju was the capital of Korea during the Shilla Kingdom that started in 57 B.C. and concluded in 935 A.D. Buddhism was the national religion during that time which accounts for the areas numerous Buddhist shrines. When the Japanese invaded Korea in 1592, many of the shrines and statues were destroyed.

By the time we arrived in Kyongju, it was 7:00 p.m. so we went to eat before checking into the hotel. Throughout the tour we frequently heard Mr. Chae or Duk Kyung’s cell phones ringing. We later realized that Mr. Chae was busy setting up our meal reservations and Duk Kyung was busy setting up the personal meetings and activities. The restaurant was nice and the food good. We had kalbi (which is pork ribs) cooked at our table just as the bulgogi had been cooked the night before. There was a plate of lettuce on each table as well as many little dishes of condiments. There were some new items that we discovered were octopus and squid. The kids each took turns eating some for the video camera showing how brave they were. I wouldn’t touch the stuff.

Ed and I sat with Greta and Meredith. The kids each sat at a different table with their special friends. After talking to Greta for a little while, I realized that I knew her husband. Andrew had gone to the Heritage Camp in Tulsa one summer. When we went to pick him up, the camp had some activities designed for parents. We participated in a panel discussion where I first learned about Korea’s attitude about adoption and single parenthood. There were a number of adult adoptees on the panel and Greta’s husband, Stanley, was one of them. He really stood out in my mind because he was so handsome and articulate. After the discussion, I remember seeing Greta with Meredith, who was then a toddler. It stuck in my mind because their marriage is mixed. I was happy to learn that Stanley’s Korean features hadn’t turned Greta away and I hope the same for my kids. I hope they’re not ostracized for looking different because on the inside, they’re “All American Kids”.

After dinner we drove a short distance to the Hotel Hyundai. It’s a first class hotel located on Lake Pumon. The lobby was bright and airy and mostly made of marble. Aside from a big reception area, there was a lounge and a buffet restaurant. The rooms were huge with balconies either overlooking the lake or a golf course. The bathrooms had a big shower and a bathtub. We had some trouble when we first arrived getting the lights on, but we finally realized that the key needed to be placed in a slot by the door to activate the electricity. The kid’s room was across from ours—they had the lake view, the “lucky bums”. Once we got our keys and dropped off our bags, the girls and I went looking for the bowling alley. Leah came with us. We were told the kids couldn’t roam the halls unattended, so Andrew and David played cards in David’s room.

The bowling alley, game rooms, and karaoke rooms were two levels below the main entrance. The swimming pool, sauna, health club and a few of the restaurants were one level below it. To bowl was only about 5,000 won with shoes so that sounded fine to us—about $4. It was about 9:00 p.m. and we were very tired, but we were afraid we wouldn’t get another opportunity. Leah was a pretty bad bowler—she was so little and weak it was hard for her to even get the ball down to the pins. Katie vacillated between doing poorly and doing OK. Ali and I were mediocre—although I did have a few flashes of genius that didn’t last long. I hadn’t bowled much in years. After one game, we said goodnight.

Thursday, June 28th

The next morning Ed and I rose early to go for a run around the lake. Mr. Chae told us there was a jogging path, so we tried it out. The path didn’t go all the way around the lake so we improvised, running about 30 minutes to the left of our hotel and then 30 minutes to the right of it. It was pretty warm but not nearly as hot as in Dallas. We took it pretty slow. There weren’t many joggers on the path—only a few walkers. Near the end of our run, we did see Meredith, a member of our tour, jogging toward us. Before I realized who she was, I noticed her coming, as she was dressed like Americans dress when they work out. Koreans are much more modest. On our way out to the lake, we saw a breathtaking stone wall and decided it would make a nice backdrop for a picture. We had discussed using the digital camera to capture the kids in a Korean setting for our Christmas cards.

Once back in our room, we woke the kids to get ready for breakfast. We looked into sending what dirty clothes we had in addition to our running clothes to the laundry in the hotel, but Duk Kyung called and found out it was 3,000 won just for a pair of socks. I was glad I had the liquid soap to wash our running clothes, which we then hung on a chair on the balcony. We had tickets for the buffet breakfast so we all headed downstairs, except for Katie who was taking her good old time.

The buffet was superb! It was a combination of Korean and American breakfast and lunch food. I had scrambled eggs, tater tots, fruit, and a croissant. I passed on the bacon and sausage, as it looked too undercooked for me. We also had our choice of tomato, grape or orange juice. This region is known for oranges that are similar to mandarin oranges. There was an ample supply of those and Ali gobbled them up. We saw Merry and David at breakfast and discovered David had tried out the swimming pool. He was not a happy camper because, despite the fact that the rules declared, “lap swimming only”, the pool was filled with adults doing calisthenics.

After breakfast we met in the lobby for a day of sightseeing. Our first stop was a middle school. After seeing many Korean schools, it seems to me they all look the same—3-story buildings with many windows behind dirt soccer fields. We were met at the front door and taken to a computer classroom for “orientation”. Because there was no air conditioning in the school, only fans, it wasn’t long before we were all dripping with sweat. We noticed, however, the Koreans looked cool and comfortable. At the orientation we were given a schedule of our activities while at the school followed by a brief welcome speech and a question/answer period. The adults asked many questions and we learned much about the educational system of Korea. To sum it up: Korean children go to school six days a week. They have one month off in the summertime and one month off in the wintertime. Because Korea is so densely populated, the competition for jobs is very tough. In order to get an edge, many students attend what is called “an institute” after normal school hours where they spend many more hours learning and studying. At the primary and middle school level, students have no choice of what school they will attend or what subjects they will take. In Korean schools, there is an emphasis on learning facts not on inspiring creativity.

Next we went into a classroom where the students were in the middle of an English lesson. The students were anything but quiet and well-mannered. They laughed and squealed good naturedly when they saw us. They had about 10 minutes to take a survey of “these Americans” on their television habits, and I’m sure they found out that kids are the same everywhere.

Our last stop was a large room where we split into discussion groups of eight—consisting of four students and four tour participants. I practiced my Korean, but it was obvious their English was better. We learned that all the girls in our group have high career aspirations—one wants to be a doctor, one a lawyer, one a journalist and one a TV news personality. They asked us about living in the United States and we asked them about living in Korea. I asked them if they liked “N’Sync” and they shrieked with delight. They asked us if we knew of their Korean “boy group” H.O.T. We had heard of them, but hadn’t heard their music. As the discussion ended, they gave us gifts and e-mails and we vowed to keep in touch. We took many pictures of the entire group to remember the experience. During the discussion, I noticed much flirtation among the Korean boys and our girls so they were sorry to see us go.

Our next stop was the Sokkuram Grotto, a shrine with a giant granite statue of Buddha that overlooks forested hills and the East Sea. After the bus had gone as far as it could, we walked about a half hour to a landing. The view was breathtaking. At a natural spring, Mr. Chae told us to drink the water known for its magical properties to produce beautiful children. I drank some and it was refreshing if nothing else. We climbed even further to the shrine. The statue of Buddha was enormous. We couldn’t take pictures as taking pictures of the Buddhas in shrines is prohibited. We were allowed to take pictures of the Buddhas in the museums, however. Inside the shrine, there was a monk chanting.

Right before lunch, we visited tombs of the Shilla Kingdom rulers. They buried their rulers in mounds, many of which have never been excavated. One of them, however, is excavated and can be toured. Inside the mound, the artifacts or replicas of the artifacts found in the tombs were on display. We saw a replica of a beautiful gold crown found in one of the tombs and the following day in a museum we saw the actual work of art itself. It had pieces of jade in half moons hanging from many-tiered layers. We also saw a piece of leather painted with a flying horse that was the breastplate of an ancient warrior. It was awesome! We took a picture of all the kids in front of the entrance to the excavated tomb. Across the road from the tombs was an ancient stone observatory. Because it had become very hot, many of the girls bought brightly colored paper parasols. We got a great picture of the kids (Ali with her parasol) in front of the observatory, possibly the next Christmas card picture.

We ate lunch at an Italian restaurant, a welcome change after so much Korean food. It was also a welcome change from the heat; although after awhile, I nearly froze. Once again, everything was prepared when we arrived. We sat with Gail and Gary from South Dakota and talked mostly about our jobs and our kids. We had a breaded pork cutlet, potatoes and salad that was all delicious. We also drank lots of water.

Our next stop was Pulguksa Temple. As we walked up to it, Mr. Chae told us the many stairs that ascended to the front door were symbolic of a person on the road to heaven. Here again we saw many Buddhas, even sneaking in a picture of one of them although an old woman severely reprimanded us. It did turn out beautifully though. The temple was built with many courtyards, gardens and stairways and we got a great picture of the kids in a high doorway with many painted, tiled roofs in the background. We saw a pagoda-like stone structure in one of the courtyards. Here Mr. Chae told us all pagodas have an odd number of pointed roofs because odd numbers are more spiritual. We took many more pictures and one of the group with the palace in the background. Luckily we found a place to buy film, as Katie and Ali had both run out. Outside the palace, we also bought postcards and a stone Buddha.

At every place we toured, vendors with water, ice cream and souvenirs were lined up outside the gates. We always bought lots of water usually for 1,000 won/bottle. Most items were very inexpensive and the kids were going crazy with their won. Never before could they get so much for so little. One item the vendors sold was sickening to us. Koreans eat larvae for a snack—yuk! Also at every place we toured, we saw many older Koreans. In the book “Culture Shock”, I read that Koreans spend their retirement years seeing everything they didn’t have time to see when they were busy with their careers and children.

Andrew seemed to have given up on Lauren. He was talking a lot to Meredith who was 24, as I think he discovered the older girls didn’t feel as threatened by him as the younger ones did. During the trip when I asked Andrew if he was happy, he told me he won’t be happy until he has a girlfriend. Little does he realize, a girlfriend is not the solution to all problems. In fact, I’m sure he’ll learn soon enough, girlfriends bring a whole new set of problems. Katie had her little clique of friends—Leah, Amara and Meredith. Ali switched between the younger and the older group. Andrew hung with David and Austin.

After the palace, we headed back to the hotel to freshen up before dinner. We were all hot and tired so I was surprised that the girls wanted to go with Greta to the swan paddle boats Ed and I had seen on our morning run. They took my camera, and I could tell from the pictures they had a lot of fun.

I spent a good portion of my “leisure time” looking for Andrew. We told him he couldn’t go anywhere without one of us; but when I knocked on his door, he was nowhere to be found. I finally located him down in the game room by the bowling alley. He attempted to lie his way out of trouble, but to no avail. His consequence was to stay in his room after dinner. We wanted to nip this problem in the bud right away.

Dinner was in the Korean restaurant at the hotel where there was a small stage with beautifully clad dancers entertaining us as we ate. Ed and I sat with Mary and her daughter, Kieren, and Lauren. There were many fishy-smelling dishes that the girls (and I) looked at with disgust. I found out that the “coleslaw” was actually octopus tentacles so after that, I was afraid to try anything I couldn’t recognize. I didn’t eat much, but at that point, I felt it wouldn’t hurt me to miss a meal. Back home in Dallas, I never eat three big meals a day.

Beverlee and her daughter, Anna, were sitting at a table full of people I didn’t recognize. Kieran told us they were Anna’s birth family. Anna basically was given up because she was a girl. Her biological mother and father had three girls before Anna and gave her up because they felt they couldn’t adequately care for her financially. However, after giving up Anna, they went on to have a boy who, of course, they kept. Kieran and Lauren remarked how difficult this must be for Anna. We couldn’t help but notice Anna crying while they were taking pictures and saying goodbye. We learned later from Beverlee that Anna has seen them a couple of times before.

After dinner, we went outside on the deck to look at the beautiful lake. It was a lovely night. We were scheduled to meet in one of the karaoke rooms for singing in about an hour. Ed and I used this time to have a drink—Ed had a cup of coffee and I had green tea, which was very weak, almost clear, and kind of woody tasting. I decided I liked the green tea I drink at home better. We also split up the postcards so the kids could write four each. I had made labels for all the people back home we wanted to write, so it was easy to just slap them on the postcards. We were determined to have them done by the next day. After all, we wanted people to get them before we got back.

When it was time to head downstairs, we got the girls and found the karaoke room. It was very small for a group our size but we were told it was the biggest one they had. Luckily a lot of the folks didn’t show up; or when they did show up, they realized the room was too small and so left. It was kind of fun. Liz and Meredith (the 24-year old) sang a duet and David (the older one) sang some songs that were very funny. We were surprised, as we hadn’t seen that side of him before. Beverlee sang a solo and we all hooted. Ed and I even sang a Frank Sinatra song—boy was I surprised. I was proud of Ed, as this was the first time I’d ever heard him sing in public—and he was pretty good too. Ali and Katie sang the theme from “Titanic”. That really made the evening. I taped it with the video camera, and now we’ll have it for posterity.

Friday, June 29th

We were up bright and early to run the next morning. We had to be ready and checked out by 9:00 so it was a rush. The breakfast buffet was as good as ever. We all hated to leave the beautiful Hyundai Hotel. We did manage to get that picture of the kids by the stone wall. It’s one of my favorites. We all lamented the fact that we hadn’t had time to swim in the pool.

Mr. Chae wanted to take us to the Shilla Kingdom museum before our bus ride to Pusan. When we walked onto the grounds he took us over to a big bell—bigger even than the Liberty Bell. He told a terrible story about how when the bell was being made, it kept cracking. Many people literally lost their heads. Then one night in a dream the maker of the bell was told to find a baby dragon. He scoured the city and found a baby who had been born in the year, month, day and hour of the dragon. He persuaded the parents to give him the baby who he promptly threw into the molten mass. From them on the bell cracked no more. But when the bell is rung, it sounds like a baby crying for its mother.

We then spent a short time literally running through the museum. Ed compared Mr. Chae to my Dad, Greenie, who used to run us through many vacation spots when I was growing up. There were many headless Buddhas in the museum—headless because the Japanese tried to destroy everything of value when they invaded in 1592. We saw the crown and many other artifacts from the tombs. I ended up buying a replica of the bell, which was rather expensive, figuring I might not have another chance to buy one—that was a joke. We ended up seeing hundreds of them in many different marketplaces when we got back to Seoul.

Our bus ride to Pusan was uneventful. More neat bus/truck stops. More candy and sweets that weren’t really sweet. I wrote out my postcards (about 20 of them) and ended up with a crick in the neck. The ride was only a couple hours.

When we arrived in Pusan, we drove up to a tower that overlooked the East Sea. By the time our bus finally chugged to the top of a big hill, it was raining outside. Unfortunately, our ponchos were packed in our overnight bags under the bus. The fog was so thick, we were unable to see anything. It wasn’t looking too good for lying on the beach.

Our next stop was the Chalgachi Fish Market where we saw sights the likes of which we had never seen before. And smells—you would have to be a big fish lover to enjoy these smells. Most of us tried to hold our noses throughout the tour. First of all we saw rows of outdoor stalls selling mostly eels. When we actually entered a big barn-like building, we saw every kind of fish imaginable—living and dead. Many kinds of fish we saw, I couldn’t even name. I know we saw some octopus, squid and sea squirts. Some fish were swimming in big tanks; others were laid out in rows, ready to be cooked. The people selling them looked happy enough. Some were eating lunch or hawking their wares. Almost everyone looked at us quizzically. One young, rather attractive man with a rubber apron, boots and gloves offered to pose for pictures with our beautiful young girls. He gave all of them the “once over” with a big grin on his face. We saw one woman holding up a live octopus by one of its tentacles. That was enough for me. Needless to say when we finally emerged into the fresh air, we didn’t have much of an appetite for fish.

We were on our own for lunch but most of the group opted for Pizza Hut—good old American food that I hardly ever eat when I’m at home. We were instructed to sit in families as each of us had to foot our own bill. This upset Andrew, as he was used to sitting with David and Austin, so he pouted most of the meal. We got a “meal deal” with spaghetti, drinks and pepperoni pizza for about $12. The pizza was good and greasy.

After lunch we went searching for a tape for the video recorder. The one we had been using was almost out and we hadn’t brought a spare—one of the little details we overlooked. We must have gone into twenty shops. I would hold the tape up and ask in Korean, “Do you have this?” They seemed to know what I was talking about. Everyone sold cell phones—at least one in every four stores—but no one sold video equipment. Finally, after an hour of searching, we found a package of three just in time.

We were scheduled to meet in front of the McDonalds at 3:00. Little by little everyone appeared—everyone except Bridget. Cathy and John called frantically for her. When she finally emerged from McDonalds, she was met with a barrage of angry comments. Bridget tried to explain she had just gone to the bathroom, but nothing would stop Cathy. Bridget was definitely embarrassed by all the fuss, but I could tell Cathy just couldn’t stop herself. I told Cathy later I could definitely relate. Most of the parents were afraid something was going to happen to their children in this strange land where no one spoke the language. We needn’t have worried. Korea is much safer than the United States.

There is very little crime in Korea. Children walk to school and no one bothers them. Shopkeepers leave expensive items on display outside their shops without worrying about them getting stolen. Perhaps crime is low because there isn’t a big problem with illegal drugs. More than likely crime is low because of the culture. People are more respectful of each other. They’re also more spiritual. Confucianism plays a big part in people’s lives. So does Buddhism, which believes in reincarnation.

Our next stop was Pusan Tower. We had a little better luck with the view here, but it was still quite cloudy. On the bottom floor there were many shops and some of the members of our group bought purses and wallets. We took an elevator to the top. Looking out each window you knew what you were seeing, as there were models and pictures everywhere. I couldn’t believe we saw a ferry that takes passengers to Japan in two hours—I didn’t realize we were that close. We were told that on a clear day you can actually see Japan. The kids seemed more interested in a couple with a puppy dog than in the view. They wanted to hold him and pet him.

It was still raining when we got down to ground level. We were still a good hour from the hotel and we were traveling in “rush hour” traffic. Rain seemed to slow things down in Korea just like in the states. I used the time on the bus to braid Ali’s hair. A lot of the girls seemed fascinated that I could put eight little braids on top of her head from ear to ear.

When we finally arrived at the Westin Chosun Beach Hotel, we only had about an hour before dinner. We were noticing that on most of the trip our “free time” was practically nonexistent. We looked around the lobby while Beverlee and Mr. Chae sorted out the rooms. It wasn’t quite as spacious as the Hyundai Hotel, but the view was infinitely better. We had the same arrangement as in Kyungju—buffet breakfast each morning. Once again, the kids were in a separate room—right next to ours. While Ed relaxed and unpacked, the girls and I went looking for shells on the beach. The water was pretty chilly so it didn’t bother us much there was no time for a dip.

When we arrived at the hotel, David’s birth family was waiting. They came to dinner with us, so Andrew was minus one of his buddies. We all met in the lobby to travel by bus to dinner. We were excited to learn that we were having “American food”. We ate at a hotel restaurant with a view of the ocean that we really couldn’t see because of the fog. No matter, the steak and Frank Sinatra made up for it. Ed and I sat with Andrew and Austin. We had a cream soup, salad, chopped steak, potatoes, and vegetables. It was delicious—just like home. The lights were turned down low; we had the entire place to ourselves.

After dinner Leah came over to the girls’ room. We went down altogether to the lobby to get some dessert and then went up to the kid’s room to play Yatzee. We didn’t know where anyone else was staying because Beverlee had mistakenly given Andrew the list with the room numbers. He had given it to someone else who didn’t have one. We walked Leah back to her room about 10:30. She was happy we let her play with us. She was feeling a little left out because David’s birth family had joined them.

Saturday, June 30th

Because we were scheduled to leave at 8:00 a.m., Ed and I didn’t get up to run. The brunch was similar to the one at the Hyundai Hotel with a breathtaking view of the ocean out the restaurant window. We left on time to drive to Hansando Island. In actuality, it’s Hansan Island. “Do” means island in Korean. The biggest of Korea’s islands is Chejudo. That’s the place I thought Katie was from because we were told she was born on a resort island. The Korean government is always changing the names of places and I know her birth certificate says Chugmu. We found out from Duk Kyung that Katie wasn’t born on an island; her mother was born on Koje Island. Katie was born in a city now called T’ong Yong that is at the tip of a peninsula across from Koje. When Duk Kyung told Katie that she wasn’t born on an island, Katie was disappointed. But when we stopped at T’ong Yong on our way to Hansando, she saw that it was a beautiful place. About three hours into our four-hour bus ride, we came over a ridge and saw the blue water below us. Because Katie was born at a clinic no longer in existence, we couldn’t go visit her actual birthplace so we stopped by the water and everyone got off of the bus. Coincidentally, another of the adoptees, Tasha, was also born in T’ong Yong. Katie and Tasha posed for pictures with the sea and mountains behind them. After we got back on the bus, as we drove along, I tried to picture Katie growing up in this seaside city.

One of the things that struck me on our road trip was that Koreans never wear clothes that match. They must not have heard about the “pattern and the plain” rule. It seems like they try to get as many colors and patterns going in their outfits as possible. Ed and I joked that this is where Katie gets her “fashion sense”. She always has had the “trailer park trash” look. Now we understand where it comes from.

During the rest of the bus ride, I talked with Mary Ellen. I had finished my book and she was sitting across from me. She told me about her son who lives in Florida and all he went through with a wife who was a “party animal” even after giving birth to a little boy. She expected her husband to come home from work and stay with the baby while she ran around town. They got divorced and he now has custody. It reminded me of all we have to look forward to when the kids start dating and eventually choose a mate. Unfortunately, you can’t shield you children from the pain you know they’ll have to go through. Hopefully you’ve brought them up “right” so they come out of it on the other side a better person. Mary Ellen obviously has a good relationship with her daughter, Meredith. They seem very close and loving. I hope Katie and I can eventually get there. Right now she just sees me as someone who lives to make her life difficult.

We arrived at the dock where the boat leaves for Hansando just in time for lunch. While Mr. Chae was purchasing our tickets, the kids bought Popsicle-like treats. Ali gave hers to me because she didn’t like it, but I didn’t like it either. I took a video of a billboard that had a map of the area, including T’ong Yong. We had brought box lunches from the hotel so everybody grabbed a box and headed down by the water to eat. It was a hot and sunny day. The kids sat out on the dock while the grown-ups sat on shore. The sandwiches had butter on them, which wasn’t appetizing to me. There was plenty else to eat however, with the cheese from the sandwich, chips, pickles, an orange and a muffin.

After lunch we boarded a boat that turned out to be a large speed boat—no leisurely chug across the water for this group. The windows were open and the water sprayed in getting all of us, including our cameras, sopping wet. Some of the girls went out onto the back deck of the boat. Beverlee made the younger ones come back inside. All I could picture was hitting a bump and one of them landing in the water. I felt better when my kids were safely back in the boat.

The boat ride lasted only about 20 minutes. When we got close to the island, Mr. Chae pointed out a stone monument of a turtle boat not far from shore. Turtle boats were the first ironclad ships–invented by Koreans, not by Americans like we were taught in history class. When we arrived on the island, Ed took a panoramic video, as it was very picturesque. We walked to the main entrance and heard about why the island is famous. Admiral Yi defeated the Japanese there in 1592 during the Chosun Dynasty, although they came back and controlled Korea from 1910 until the end of World War II in 1945. Admiral Yi, along with King Sejong, who invented the Korean alphabet, are the two most influential people in Korea’s history.

Once inside the island’s attractions, we saw the barracks where Admiral Yi and his men stayed, a well that the soldiers drank from, a replica of a turtle boat and a hill where they practiced shooting. We also walked to a shrine dedicated to Admiral Yi and the men who died defending Korea. All the buildings and monuments had recently been renovated so the colors were vibrant.

While on our walk around the island, Andrew talked to Ed about his renewed interest in finding his birth mother. He even suggested doing DNA testing to find her—not realizing that’s only done when you have a person in mind, not on the general population. Watching David with his birth family—his younger sister and younger brother, brought it home to Andrew. Whereas he could only imagine what finding his mother and older brother would be like before, now he had a concrete picture of it. We only stayed an hour on the island as we still had the 20-minute boat ride and 4-hour bus ride back to Pusan.

On the bus ride back, the kids worked on Korean language and culture quizzes. Beverlee wanted to see how much of the information they were taking in. There would be a prize for the winner. Because of the traffic and long bus ride back, we went directly to dinner instead of stopping at the hotel to change. There were a few disgruntled individuals, mainly David C. and Merry, who thought the trip to Hansando was outrageous. Four hours on the bus each way for a 20 minute boat ride and an hour tour was not their idea of fun. It was a long day, but we did get to see a lot of scenery and, of course, Katie’s birthplace that we wouldn’t have missed. Dinner was Korean, very similar to what we had in the past with the meat and lettuce leaves. It was in a restaurant on top of a hill with a view of the ocean. We sat with Mary Ellen, Meredith, Liz, and Darcy. Liz seemed to want to distance herself from her parents who still weren’t in the best of moods. Meredith and Liz were getting along famously. They discovered that not only are they in the same line of work, counseling women in trouble, but also that they live within miles of each other in Boston.

After dinner it was back to the hotel. We would have liked to go to bed but the kids dragged us out to the beach to set off fireworks. Even though it seemed to us that Koreans have rules for everything, the government’s way of controlling the large population, fireworks are not illegal. We found out swimming in the ocean, however, is illegal except for one month a year. July 1st, which happened to be the following day, was the beginning of the month of open swimming. Mr. Chae explained that the Korean government doesn’t want people to get sick by swimming in water that is too cold, hence the ban on swimming. Mr. Chae also explained that when swimming is in season, at times there are as many as 500,000 people on the beach where we were staying!

Andrew spent a good portion of his remaining funds on fireworks. He couldn’t wait for Beverlee. The best ones were long sticks packed with 35 fireworks. You buried the stick in the sand, lit it and watched the fireworks shooting out the end, one by one. Once Beverlee came with the money, the girls got involved although they were much less aggressive. Later Andrew said shooting off the fireworks on the beach was one of the highlights of the trip.

Sunday, July 1st

The next morning was our first “break” in the schedule. We weren’t meeting to leave for the airport until lunchtime, so Ed and I got up early to run on the walkway along the beach. It was a difficult run—the smells are what got me. The odor of dead fish was everywhere. There were also people everywhere and we did our best to dodge them. We ran to the end of the beach and back—about 3 miles.

When we got back to the hotel, we woke the kids to get ready for breakfast. At breakfast we noticed it had started raining and many of the people who had been on the beach moved inside. One hardy group, however, was doing calisthenics in wet suits. Later we noticed they were swimming en masse a great distance from the shore. We were surprised, as we had seen hardly anyone exerting themselves since we arrived. Most Koreans are quite thin, but I think it’s more a function of the diet than the exercise. Hardly anyone jogs and we got lots of stares wherever we went. When we went back up to the room after breakfast, we were on the elevator with Mr. Chong. I impressed him with my Korean by saying, “It’s raining outside”. I was glad I had learned that phrase. I knew it would come in handy.

After breakfast I gave the girls the option of swimming in the pool or going to the beach. Since the weather still looked ominous, we checked out the pool to make sure it was open and not just for lap swimming. We asked about bathing caps and were told we didn’t need them. We were told that we did, however, need to take a shower before entering the pool. A girl at the front desk gave us locker keys for our towels, but somehow we ended up in the wrong locker room. When we tried our keys in the locks, they obviously didn’t fit. This sent us into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Everything is so difficult when you’re in a foreign country and don’t speak the language. While still snooping around the locker room, we ran into some naked women who, I presume, thought we were laughing at them. We were ushered into the correct locker room that was across the hall from the one we’d gone into. I felt like a rude American and can understand why some foreigners think that about us.

The pool was almost deserted. There was a small wading pool next to it that we jumped in to get used to the chilly water. We played with some Styrofoam kick boards that were lying around. Soon after we got in the pool, a woman came running in to tell us we needed to wear caps. I promised I wouldn’t go under water and she let me go—but she brought one for each of the kids. The woman at the front desk must have misunderstood my English. We didn’t stay long—about 45 minutes or so. We ran into Ed and Andrew on our way out. They were going to walk along the beach and look at what the street vendors had to sell. Everyone was close to being packed to check out so we changed and met them down on the beach. Some of the girls from the group had found some unusual-looking shells that they gave to Katie. She was in seventh heaven. Andrew bought a turtle made of shells with some Korean writing on its back. Later that day he asked Duk Kyung what the writing said and appropriately it read, “be happy”. We checked out and met the bus at noon. David said “good bye” to his birth family and we sped away to the airport. We were happy to be going back to our little rooms in Seoul City.

We were also happy to be having American food for lunch. After we checked our bags, we went to Charlie’s restaurant in the airport. Most of us ended up eating spaghetti and it was very good. We sat with John and Cathy, Merry and David and Mary Ellen. Merry and David talked about selling their home in New York City and making a bundle on it. When you put a house on the market there, people generally make offers that are more than the asking price just to beat out the others. They sold their house because they retired and moved out of the city.

The plane ride back to Seoul was uneventful. Ed and I sat next to Greta who slept most of the way. It was less than an hour flight, which really seemed short after our 13-hour trip. We landed at Kimpo Airport, the old airport in Seoul, because that’s where the domestic flights land. It is also closer to Eastern. We got into a different bus because Mr. Chong was driving our tour bus back to Seoul from Pusan.

Beverlee briefed us on our host family dinners on the bus ride back. Host families would pick us up at 6:00 p.m. That wasn’t going to give us much time because we wouldn’t be arriving at Eastern until close to 5:00 p.m. We needed to wear appropriate clothing—no shorts or sleeveless. Don’t forget our gifts. She also told us not to worry about the food. She said most of the time tour participants report this dinner to be the best food of the entire trip. Host families are chosen from volunteers who attend the “foreign school”. I presume this school teaches the English language and customs to Koreans who want to work abroad. I also presume this is the best place to recruit families who want to participate in a cultural exchange as students are already learning English and know something about the United States.

We had only been back at Eastern a few minutes when we were given word our host family was downstairs waiting for us. We dashed around like chickens with our heads cut off changing clothes, doing hair, grabbing gifts. When we got downstairs, Ms. Park introduced us to Choi, Seong Bong, the man who was to take us to his house for dinner. Much to our dismay, he spoke almost no English. Ali and I did our best introducing ourselves and telling him how nice it was to meet him. I asked him a few questions in halting Korean on the trip. We learned that he had twin daughters, twenty years old, and of course, a wife. We reassured ourselves; at least one of them will speak English. But when we got there, we realized not one of them did! They live in Incheon, where the new airport is located about a 45-minutes car ride from Eastern.

We did our best to communicate. We found out Mr. Choi’s wife’s name is Kang, Hye Sook, but we never did get the names of his daughters. One of the girls gave us a photo album full of pictures of a baby. They told us the baby lives in California. I asked them, “Who is the mother of the baby?” and they showed us a picture and said, “Chinese mother, Japanese father, Korean baby”. We got the impression one of the daughters had given birth to this baby out of wedlock and had given him up for foreign adoption. Perhaps that is the reason they wanted to have us to dinner—to make sure Americans treat their Korean children well.

Their apartment was large and modern with hardwood floors throughout and a balcony off their living room. The bathroom looked like a western bathroom except for the drain in the middle of the floor. Mr. Choi brought out a low table and we sat on the floor in the living room and ate. They turned the TV on so the fact that we weren’t talking wouldn’t be so obvious. The food was delicious and extravagant—there was enough food for twice as many people. One of the dishes was an assortment of vegetables that you put into pancakes fajita-style. The problem was none of us could figure out how to eat them without using our fingers which was a “no no”. Mr. Choi picked the pancake up in his hand and showed us how to “load it”. The only problem was, after I ate one, my fingers were too greasy to use my chopsticks. And there were no napkins. There were 3 or 4 different meat dishes, chop chae, and fruit for dessert. Everything was yummy. The only thing I wasn’t crazy about was the fermented rice liquid that was served as a drink with dessert.

After dinner, their girls showed us how to make origami hanboks. It was fun, if a bit frustrating, and passed the time. We exchanged gifts—they gave us some clay figures that are supposed to be lucky, and some bamboo rice scoops. We took lots of pictures and promised to send them copies. Shortly thereafter, I suggested we leave. I think Ed and Andrew were feeling very left out particularly because they couldn’t speak a word of Korean. We were also anxious to get back to Eastern to unpack and do some laundry. On the way back, Ali and I managed to ask Mr. Choi what he does for a living. We found out he is a manager in a beer company. We bowed and thanked them all profusely for their hospitality. They must have worked all day to make such a wonderful dinner and we were very grateful. We were happy we had said some of the phrases we had so painstakingly learned.

Only a few of the group were back at Eastern when we returned so we quick grabbed the washing machine. Little by little the others returned exchanging stories and showing their gifts. I think we were the only ones who had non-English speaking hosts. Many of the gifts were exceptionally lavish—I was glad we didn’t have that experience. I would have felt really bad, as we didn’t spend much on the gift we brought. Bridget and Brenna’s host family was paying for custom hanboks for them. They were going to meet the mother in the morning to go pick out the fabric. Gail and Gary were given two ornate jewelry boxes. As Gary put it, “Our gift wasn’t even in the same league”. I think Ed and I were most jealous that many in our group had interesting conversations with their host families. Because we were unable to communicate, we weren’t able to learn much about what Koreans are like. We saw how they lived, but we didn’t get inside their heads.

Monday, July 2nd

The next day was a full day, as usual. After breakfast, we started off with a stop at the bank to exchange money. After all, it was going to be a day of shopping. We had been told that Namdemun Market is the cheapest place to shop, and we weren’t disappointed. On our way to Namdemun, we shared stories of the host family dinners; it seems some people were “wined and dined” beyond expectations. Once we arrived, we were let out and pointed in the right direction; but after that, we were on our own. It was fascinating just to look at the people. There was a row of older women sitting and staring into space that I attempted to video. I was sharply reprimanded by one of them. We saw a man with no legs scooting on a wheeled board that Ali had to give some money. We saw another man carrying a load of wood on his back. Not a job I’d recommend to anyone. We saw (and smelled) pigs heads ready to be sold. I bought lipstick, a belt, a skirt, a wallet for Mom, and many lacquer boxes as gifts for my nieces. Ed found two celadon vases and bargained for a good price. Ali bought a t-shirt, magnets for her friends and a commemorative coin collection. Andrew bought a decoration for his wall. Katie bought innumerable trinkets that Ed calls “land fill items”. It was a shopper’s paradise. When it was time to head back to the bus, we were turned around and didn’t know which way to go. I asked a number of people, “Where’s the bank”, as I knew the bus was parked next to a big bank. One man was particularly helpful and we managed to find the bus after just a few panicky moments.

Before lunch, we drove by the “Blue House”, where the President of Korea lives. Mr. Chae cautioned us against taking pictures out the bus window, but it was okay to take them once we stopped and got out. It was not, however, permissible to take a video. A policewoman informed me of that as I was doing it. It struck me as unusual that their President lives in the middle of such a huge city—it would be comparable to our President living in the middle of New York City.

We ate lunch at a Korean buffet. Buffets are especially easy for large groups and everyone can get exactly what they want. I didn’t like the fact that none of the food was marked though; I like to know exactly what I’m eating. In those cases, I usually take only what I know for sure. I got fooled this time and ended up with something fishy. While there we saw another American tour group that turned out to be students of Tae Kwon Do.

Next stop—Insadong Market. Insadong, in contrast to Namdemun is not a cheap market. It’s a place to buy antiques and works of art. There were still lots of street vendors who didn’t have shops though so we had plenty of opportunities to buy. I found two ballerina figurines pretty cheap and bought a fan for a friend back home. Leah tagged along and she and Katie took turns buying little trinkets. Ed and I also bought some tea cups and a few more Christmas gifts. He saw a panda figurine that he thought about buying for his sister, Susann, who collects pandas, but it seemed overpriced.

We weren’t there long for we still had another stop at the Kyobo Bookstore. The Kyobo Bookstore is a huge, underground bookstore that is always packed with people. The girls bought some books of Korean folk tales and some CDs that were no cheaper than in the states. Andrew wallowed in self pity because he was out of money. I bought a journal, finally, but didn’t know if I would use it. I was so far behind. The place was chaotic and noisy. I was glad when it was time to leave.

Dinner was at Bennigan’s New York on the 6th story of an office building downtown. The décor and menu were familiar although the food tasted a bit different. My Caesar salad had anchovies and so was a bit of a disappointment. The place was packed and you were forced to shout to be heard. Ed and I talked mostly with Cathy and John, the twin’s Mom and Dad. They told us the twin’s birthmother had been found by Eastern and they were trying to set up a meeting. I was excited for them. David C. was sitting across from me, and Merry beside me. David’s back was bothering him and he was having a difficult time hearing what anyone had to say above the din. Liz, their daughter, seemed distraught. Everyone else was whooping it up and having a good time. The kids were all sitting together and creating quite a ruckus. After the meal, Bennigan’s gave all the kids picture frames and balloons that they were batting back and forth. Paying for the drinks after the meal was confusing and time consuming. Usually we were given the option of beer (for 3,000 to 5,000 won) or soft drinks (1,000 to 2,000 won) but Bennigan’s has fancy drinks that were all different prices. The waitress was adding tax on top of that and we got some weird coins back that I had never seen. By the time we got back to Eastern, it was late. We had our usual cup of green tea while Ali, Katie, Amara, Little Meredith and Leah ran up and down the halls carrying on their boisterous activities. The kids were having a blast!

Tuesday, July 3rd

Tuesday morning anyone who wanted eyeglasses met Mr. Chae in the lobby of Eastern at 9:00. Glasses are much cheaper in Korea than in the United States and usually the office visit is included in the price of the glasses. At the end of the school last year, I remembered Andrew bringing home a note saying he needed to have his eyes checked. Even though we had just taken him to the eye doctor last December, we figured it would be a good opportunity to get him checked and also update his look. He had had the frames he was wearing since he was very young. After a stop at the bank to replenish our won, we trooped to the optometrist. Andrew’s glasses, which are titanium and very expensive in the United States, cost only $80 including the office visit.

While we were at the bank, I found out that Kieren’s father, Mary’s husband, had died when Kieren was a baby. I didn’t intend to find it out, but I was asking Kieren where she gets all her money. We had heard on the bus the day before that she has a debit card. Andrew was making a big deal out of it, asking if he could get one, not realizing that you have to have money in your account first before you can use it. It seems that Kieren gets the money from the Social Security check the government sends from her Dad’s account. No wonder she’s rich. No rent to pay, no food to buy, just free money. Anyway, we sat with Mary at the Japanese restaurant later that day and I told her about Andrew and Katie losing their first adoptive mother. Kieren was not even one year old when her father died. Mary remarried but her husband didn’t adopt Kieren. Mary and Kieren seem to have a very loving and demonstrative relationship and I wondered what kind of relationship Kieren has with her stepfather. I wondered if they had wanted him to come and he hadn’t been able to because of his job or financial considerations, or if he simply had no interest. I didn’t find out the answers to my questions and I didn’t want to pry.

I was also talking to Linda, Tasha’s mother, at the bank and found out she adopted a boy from Korea before Tasha. She and her husband had tried for years to have a child but she had been unable to get pregnant. After adopting her two children from Korean, to her dismay, she got pregnant and had a biological child.

Our first tourist stop of the morning was Changdokkung Palace. Seoul has a number of ancient palaces and gates positioned alongside modern architecture. It was another hot, sultry day, but we didn’t think to pack our rain ponchos. Two colorful guards stood at attention flanking the palace gates.

I have to mention here that Lonna brought two cutout dolls on the trip—a boy and a girl. The boy’s name was Flat Stanley, but I can’t remember the girl’s name. Lonna would place these paper dolls at all the tourist sights and then photograph them. She was going to use the pictures to teach about Korea at the Korean Culture Camp later on in the summer. Lonna and some of the girls were tormenting one of the guards by positioning the paper dolls on his shoulders and taking pictures. He didn’t laugh, but he did look sideways a number of times wondering what they were doing. I felt sorry for him.

Mr. Chae was not allowed to be our guide for the Palace tour which was unfortunate. Our woman tour guide was very difficult to understand and so we missed a lot of what she said. I remember walking over a bridge that was hundreds of years old, going through beautiful gardens, and hearing a story about a woman, married to the last ruler of the Choson Dynasty, who lived in Japan until Korea became a republic in 1945. She returned to the palace and lived out her life there until her death in the 1980’s. Most unfortunately, our video camera battery died during the palace tour and so that was the end of that. Our tour was cut short because it started to pour rain. Where were our ponchos when we needed them?

We were back on the bus and over to a Japanese restaurant in Insadong for lunch. This restaurant was, by far, my favorite lunch spot. We had a breaded pork chop that I thought was chicken all the while I was eating it. We had a little time after lunch so I ran over and bought a couple bowls I had seen the day before.

After lunch, more shopping. This time at Doosan Tower—eight floors of small booths each with a specialty. Ali and Katie looked for short embroidered jeans. That was the latest craze—Tasha had bought a pair the day before in Namdemun. Katie was almost out of money so I advanced her $60 from her bank account. They both found what they were looking for after numerous trips to the “hwa jang” (bathroom) to try them on. The clothing booths didn’t have dressing rooms although they did have one innovative solution. Booth owners had the girls put on a giant black skirt, take off their clothes underneath it, put on the jeans they wanted to try on, take off the skirt, and “voila”, see if they fit. Ed bought a cool shirt with a dragon and a tiger on it—Koreans believe a dragon guards the west part of their country and a tiger guards the east. Andrew was very out of money by this time and grumbled a lot because he didn’t want to do any more shopping. After everyone had found what they wanted, we found a Burger King in the basement and got sundaes for everyone. That perked him up.

The Korean National Tourism Bureau invited us to dinner. We stopped by their offices for a welcome speech and to see their video advertisements. They gave us each a packet of free postcards and some posters for the kids’ rooms. It was an impressive presentation and made us feel welcome. We had a little time before our dinner reservations, so we went to a park on top of one of the highest points in Seoul. The view was breathtaking, but unfortunately we didn’t have time to visit the nearby zoo.

Dinner was at the Korea House, one of Seoul’s most famous restaurants. Before we were seated, a female drummer in the courtyard entertained us. She was impressive and professional and took pictures with all the kids after her performance. Dinner was a huge buffet and luckily, this time, everything was marked. I knew exactly what to stay away from. But no one had to tell me not to take the shrimp that were staring at me—that was too “real” for me. Lonna, Meredith, Mary Ellen and I split a bottle of wine. That was the best part of the meal, as I was getting a little weary of Korean food by this time. Lonna talked a little about her adopted Korean son who had died. They had adopted him from Jacob’s Home where we were scheduled to go the next day. Back on the bus, I looked back on the day, amazed at what we had crammed into the space of 12 hours. Back at the ranch, some late-night socializing in the kitchen and more kids doing what they do best.

Wednesday, July 4th

On the 4th of July, someone commented that the United States wouldn’t even be celebrating until we were almost ready for bed. Ed and I decided to take our chances and attempt to jog through the streets of Seoul. We got up early and were hard at it by 6:30 a.m. Luckily the street Eastern is on is fairly close to one of the larger thoroughfares. Once we got onto that, the walkway was wide enough to accommodate us and the throngs of people going to work and school. I can safely say, we didn’t see anyone else jogging that morning. In fact, I don’t remember seeing anyone else jogging the whole time we were in Seoul. We jogged by the hotel where Ed and Joan had stayed when they came to pick up Andrew. That was before Eastern had a guest house for parents picking up children. We also went by Holt, another facility similar to Eastern. Coincidentally, we ran into their “Homeland Tour” later that day at the Folk Village. Our run was cut short by a bridge with no sidewalks. We were forced to turn around at about the 1.5 mile mark.

Breakfast was the usual hard-boiled egg, toast and a soy protein bar. The kitchen was full, even though David and Leah’s family had decided not to go with us and so had slept in. They had already been to the Korean Folk Village on a previous trip to Korea. It was a hot and sunny day for our drive to Suwon. Early on, I was wishing I had worn something short sleeved. Andrew was especially warm in his khaki pants. Mr. Chae informed us it would be about an hour and a half bus ride. After the folk village, we were scheduled to visit Jacob’s Home, the orphanage, and Esther’s House, the home for unwed mothers. At Esther’s House we were going to have a meeting with the pregnant women, most of who had already made the decision to give up their babies for international adoption. I talked to Andrew the night before thinking that he might not want to go to Esther’s House. He told me he was actually looking forward to it. I knew it was going to be traumatic for him, coming face to face with women who have just made the same decision his mother made years ago. Katie was not permitted at the meeting, as you had to be at least 13 years old.

The Folk Village was quaint and picturesque. After we went through the gate and saw totem poles (although I’m sure they’re not called that) guarding the village, we saw how celadon vases are made. There were artists working on them as we watched. We also saw a long kiln on a hillside that Mr. Chae explained is still used for some of the vases. Of course that got us in the mood for shopping and we hit the gift shop that sells the celadon that is made in the village. I bought a pair of cups that we ended up giving to Pat and Sherry. While we were in the village we saw many crafts being made the old fashioned way. One man was stripping a bamboo pole for pieces to make hats. Another lady was weaving baskets while someone else was painting wooden ducks. We ended up buying a pair of the “wedding ducks” she was painting, as I was intrigued by the way they are used. Their heads twist so they can be kissing or looking away from each other. You know you’re in the “dog house” if you come home and the ducks’ heads are turned away from each other.

The kids enjoyed the old fashioned games the best. There was a tossing game where spears were thrown in an aluminum can, and seesaws that you stood on and coordinated your jumping with the person on the other end. I tried the seesaw and it was definitely more difficult than it looked. Of course, the kids caught on immediately. There was so much there, we couldn’t see it all.

At about 11:30 a.m. we saw a performance while sitting in a stone amphitheatre. Men performed a traditional Farmer’s Dance in white tunics with red, yellow and blue streamers coming from their hats. A lot of this dance is more marching and drumming than dancing, but it was definitely entertaining. Next, girls in cheerleader uniforms jumped on seesaws doing straddle jumps, pike jumps, and even flips. It made my shins hurt just watching them. Later, on our way to lunch, we saw a tightrope walker. All the performers were excellent.

Lunch was bibimbap at the Folk Village. It was probably Ali’s and my least favorite meal of the trip. The vegetables were served in a steaming hot bowl with a raw egg on top. Rather than try to cook the egg in the hot bowl by mixing it with the vegetables, I attempted to take it out with my spoon. There was another unpleasant ingredient in the mix that I think was seaweed. Luckily I had plenty of “fat stored up for the winter” so it didn’t matter much that I missed a meal. Before boarding the bus we had a little time to peruse the main gift shop. I bought a hand-held fan to help with my hot flashes. The battery-operated one I bought in Kyongju for 1,000 won was already on the fritz. Ali bought more film. We were taking far more pictures than any of us would have imagined.

After lunch, we left for our trip to Jacob’s Home and Esther’s House both of which are affiliates of E.S.W.S. They are located in a village about an hour from Suwon. We went to Jacob’s Home first. By the time I got to the front door, Lonna was comforting Lauren who was crying uncontrollably. I was glad we had heard from Lonna the night before at the Korea House about her child from Jacob’s Home who had passed away. It was the first time they had been back since his death and it brought back some difficult memories. Lonna told us on the bus ride to Jacob’s House that the children in the orphanage are not adoptable. Of course, I had a question about how she had managed to adopt her son from there, but I didn’t ask it.

The children were mostly toddlers from 2 to 4 years old. When we arrived, some of the children were taking a bath in a small blow-up swimming pool on the porch. We went into an upstairs playroom and were immediately accosted by twenty or so adorable orphans. One little girl was fascinated with my fan so I gave it to her. Another little boy wanted my water bottle, so it was his. You just couldn’t say “no” to them—they have so little, and they were so precious.

We couldn’t stay long as the meeting with the unwed mothers was scheduled to begin. Katie stayed with the younger kids at Jacob’s Home playing with the toddlers while Ali, Andrew, Ed and I went across the drive to Esther’s House. Ali really wanted to go with us; and since she was 12 going on 13, Beverlee said it fine.

We had a little time to sit and talk with some of the pregnant women before the meeting started. I introduced Ed, Andrew and myself and asked them their names. They laughed at my Korean. Ali sat with another family and Liz sat with us. I know Liz didn’t want her parents present at this meeting because she felt she couldn’t say what was really on her mind with them in the room. Most Korean adoptees have “adoption issues” they’re either afraid or reluctant to discuss with their parents. They think their parents might feel they’re ungrateful if they are unhappy with their lives, and they don’t want to hurt their parents’ feelings.

Duk Kyung was the interpreter for the meeting. She gave an introduction and explained that most of the women in the room were pregnant and had already made up their minds to give up their babies. A couple women had already delivered. Most were very young—in their early or late twenties. Duk Kyung had one representative from each family tell the women a little about the makeup of our families, the ages of our children and what we hoped to gain from the meeting. I was elected to go first. After I told them the kids’ ages, I explained that Andrew hoped to get an answer to the question why he was given up. I told them of his many problems managing his anger that we feel stems from his inability to confront his mother and talk to her about his feelings of abandonment. I told them that, hopefully, by listening to them, he would be able to resolve some of these issues.

Many of the other mothers (and a few fathers) wept openly as they thanked the women for making the difficult decision to give up their babies to a better life than they could hope to give them. It was a very emotional meeting. I thought Susan spoke eloquently when she said the greatest gift these mothers could give their children would be to provide information to Eastern about how to contact them if or when their children ever decide to initiate a search.

Duk Kyung then asked the women if any of them would like to share their story with us. One woman, who was a little older than the others, told us when she got pregnant she lost her job. Her boyfriend was not willing to marry her so she had no other choice but to give up her baby. She told us how single mothers couldn’t find work and children of single mothers are teased and ridiculed. She didn’t want her baby to suffer and she wished things could be different. A few of the other women got up and gave similar stories. Many were crying and, luckily, there were boxes of tissue in the room. Andrew, who was sitting between Ed and me, kept his head down most of the meeting.

Lastly, a few of the older adoptees in our group told the women how they felt about being adopted. Darcy said she wonders if her mother ever thinks of her, especially on her birthday. The “not knowing” is very difficult for her and I could tell she still has a lot of anger about being given up. Kieren on the other hand said she feels special and lucky. She has had only positive, happy experiences with her adoptive mother. Later someone pointed out that maybe Darcy felt free to say how she really feels because her adoptive mother wasn’t with her. Perhaps too, because Kieren is only 15, she hasn’t encountered some of the difficult identity issues that may come later in her life. After the meeting was over, we hugged all the women on the way out and wished them well.

On our way back to Seoul, Beverlee passed around a sheet so as to gage how many pizzas to order. We were going to the Pizza Hut in Itaewon for dinner. While we were waiting for our dinner, some of us exchanged money at a little stand outside the restaurant. It was much quicker there than at the banks where we normally waited twenty to thirty minutes. At dinner I sat next to Merry and talked about my previous life as a ballet dancer. She seemed impressed. After dinner, on our way back to the bus, Ed and I bought gym bags. That was another of the things in Korea that was very cheap. .

Believe it or not, we had one more activity before going back to Eastern. We went to the Chongdong Theatre for a performance of Korean music, dancing and opera. The theatre was small—it seated approximately 200 people. The performers were excellent. The opera section must have been very funny, but it was in Korean and we couldn’t understand a word. Later Mr. Chae told us what the gentleman had been singing about. After the performance, we bought a CD of the music and Ed and I got our pictures taken with some of the dancers. We later heard that some of the performers got Andrew dancing with them in the courtyard, but unfortunately we missed it. Once we got back to E.S.W.S., all the kids set off “poppers” in the parking lot and waved American flags. It seemed very strange to be missing such an important American holiday.

Thursday, July 5th

The next day we went to the Demilitarized Zone. Mr. Chae told us that Korea is the only divided country left in the world and many people are very anxious to see it united again. Many South Koreans have not seen relatives who live in North Korea for over 20 years. A year or so ago South Koreans had hope that the country would be reunited soon, but now most people think it won’t happen for at least 10 years. Many people are also angry that the government in South Korea is giving money to North Korea, money that they feel should be used to help South Korean people. Many of the older South Koreans, those who still remember the Korean War, still fear North Korea will try to attack South Korea again.

On our way to the DMZ, we saw many military tanks and trucks on the road with young boys in fatigues riding in the back. Mr. Chae told us there are a lot of booby traps in this part of the country and many farmers are killed accidentally. We knew we were getting close to our destination when we started seeing barbed wire lining the road. The Han River was on our left and Mr. Chae told us North Korea is on the other side of the river. From Seoul, it is only a 3-minute plane ride to North Korea.

When we stopped the first time, a man came onto the bus to check our passports. He was dressed in civilian clothes although we saw many men in fatigues with guns slung across their backs. Next we came to a checkpoint where we sat and waited a minute for clearance. Mr. Chae told us South Koreans may only go into North Korea to one place, a resort on one of the tallest mountains in North Korea. They can only talk to a tour guide and are not allowed to say anything about the North Korean government. Last year, a woman tourist was detained for her vocal political views.

In 1968 South Koreans discovered a plot by the North to dig 20 tunnels into South Korea with the intention of attacking through them. The plot was also intended to kill the President of South Korea, as one of the tunnels was meant to go near the Blue House. The South Koreans have discovered and excavated only 4 of the proposed tunnels. We walked 400 meters into Tunnel #3. It took about half an hour to walk to the end and back. It was slippery and chilly inside. It was raining outside so we had worn our ponchos which helped to keep us warm. The first 300 meters of the walk were descending and many people slipped and fell although they were usually holding onto guardrails when they went down. When we got to the end of our walk, we saw barbed wire and a metal door. The kids couldn’t believe that we had walked all that way just to see that. At the souvenir shop, Ed bought a golf towel for my Dad, a handkerchief with a map of the DMZ on it for himself, key rings for friends Glenn and Jan and a bracelet for me. Katie bought a Popsicle that melted too quickly and got her fingers all sticky.

On our way to the Mount Odu-Unification Observatory, we went over the Imjingang River. Mr. Chae told us dead bodies of North Koreans are often found floating in the River, but no one knows why they are killed. Unfortunately at the Observatory it was still raining so it was difficult to see anything. We watched a film that showed us what we should have been able to see out the window—some North Korean towns just across the River. There was also an Exhibit Hall with models of the towns and river and another model of the whole of Korea with electric lights showing the 38th parallel and the DMZ.

We stopped for lunch at a delightful and charming restaurant called Provence. All the big girls and boys sat together and Ali and Andrew looked really happy. I took a picture to remember their smiling faces. The spaghetti and salad were delicious—they even had Parmesan cheese. The restaurant served dishes of sweet pickles with the pasta which we all thought a little strange. We talked with Mary Ellen, Meredith and Gail at lunch. Afterward we walked to a bakery next door to the restaurant and bought some cookies. Just what we needed after that lunch—but then we were having Korean food that night.

We boarded the bus and traveled back to Seoul to the Korean War Memorial Museum next to the American army base. The museum was a favorite of many of the men on the tour. It covers all the wars in Korea’s history, but time only allowed us to visit the Korean War portion. I learned many things about that war that surprised me. One was that many countries in the United Nations fought on the side of South Korea, not just the United States. I was also unaware that at one point in the war, the North Koreans had captured all of South Korea except the area around Pusan. If it hadn’t been for the United States and the numbers of men and machinery it dedicated to the Korean war effort, North Korea would surely have won the war. Many of the exhibits in the museum were similar to exhibits in a wax museum. There was also an exhibit that reminded me of a ride at Universal Studios. We went into a dark room and found ourselves looking at a very realistic war scene. All at once guns started firing and orders were shouted back and forth. It definitely gave one the feeling of “being there”.

After touring inside the museum where we saw a full-scale replica of a turtle boat, we went outside to look at the planes and tanks. The kids particularly liked doing this as they could climb up on some of them and peer into the windows of others. At the end of the tour we came to a mammoth statue that we learned depicted two actual brothers, one from the North and one from the South, who met and embraced on the battlefield. It was a powerful statement that reminded me of our own Civil War. For some reason I had never seen the Korean War in that light.

Itaewon was our next stop for more shopping and to pick up the necklaces and the hanboks most of the girls had ordered to wear to the Farewell Dinner the following day. Luckily, because Katie’s Foster Mother had given her one, she didn’t have to feel left out. We weren’t about to buy her a new hanbok for $100 when she had a perfectly good one back in Dallas. We bought a few more gifts—a sweatshirt for my Dad for Christmas, a celadon vase for our friends Randy and Jenny, and a black overnight bag personalized with the name “Stofko”. Ed remembered the store he had visited ten years earlier. There it still was with the same merchandise.

Dinner was at my favorite Korean restaurant of the entire trip. For some reason the bulgogi was especially tasty, as was the potato salad and watermelon. The twins’ family sat with their biological mother and sister and everyone kept looking over, wondering how it was going. We sat with Gail and Gary and next to Mary. Gail got me giggling when Mary thought the dish of watermelon placed on the table was her private dessert and proceeded to eat it all. She finally realized what she had done and was terribly embarrassed. Because of the rainy and foggy weather, we didn’t go to the Seoul Tower as planned.

Back at the guesthouse, Cathy and John sat in the kitchen with the twins’ biological mother. Duk Kyung had been called away for a phone call, and the three of them looked extremely uncomfortable. The twins had gone shopping with their biological sister who could speak English pretty well. I attempted to speak Korean to the twins’ mother; but when I started talking, she assumed I knew much more than I did and it made matters worse. I kept repeating over and over in Korean, “I’m sorry, I don’t understand”. At one point I even said the days of the week and counted to ten to try to explain to her that was all I knew.

Gail came in after a little while and we had a nice conversation. I told her how I had gotten pregnant with Ali and how Ed and I had met. Mary Ellen came in a little while later and talked some more about her kids. We reluctantly went to bed; we knew the “party” was almost over. In fact, we said “goodbye” to David, Leah and family that night. They were leaving bright and early the next morning, before anyone got up. Katie and Andrew were especially sad, but we vowed to see them again in Texas.

Friday, July 6th

The next day was our free day. Ed and I ran one last time. Because we started later this time, the streets were more crowded and it was more difficult to navigate. It was also quite a bit hotter. Andrew’s Foster Mother was scheduled to meet us at 10:30 so we had time to pick up Andrew’s new glasses. He looked smashing—a new look for the 8th grade. At the appointed time, we went down to the Eastern offices and found out that the Foster Mother had not yet arrived. We waited for nearly an hour before Ms. Park informed us that the Foster Mother had called to say she would be later still. I think Andrew was relieved when she called, as he feared he was stood up.

Another social worker, not Ms. Park, was our translator. Andrew’s Foster Mother was one of the most loving women I have ever met. She brought big, expensive gifts—two shirts and a statue of a boy and his mother for Andrew, and a vase that must have been a foot high for us. I felt embarrassed by the little boot candle and picture we gave her, but she said just seeing Andrew was gift enough for her, and you knew she was sincere. She doted on Andrew, holding his arm and patting his head—he ate it up. It amazed me that Andrew enjoyed the affection so much, as he usually shies away from embraces. I think he came to a realization that day with his Foster Mother that affection feels good. He’s been more affectionate with me ever since.

His Foster Mother brought a picture of herself holding him when he was a baby and talked about what a good eater he had been. She also told him she had mentioned she would be seeing him to her children, and they were excited she was going to see “Ho Joon”. It was a great experience for Andrew; it made him feel really special. At the end of the session we took some pictures and told her we would send them.

Ed wanted to show Andrew the hotel we had seen on our run, the one where he and Joan had stayed when they came to pick him up, so we took off walking. It was a very hot day and the kids complained profusely. After walking around the lobby and checking out the restaurants where they had eaten so many years ago, it was about lunchtime. We had spotted a “Friday’s” on one of our early morning runs so we trudged over there. We knew there were a lot of American restaurants in the vicinity—Outback Steakhouse being one of them—but we were in the mood for a good, old-fashioned hamburger.

We found out those “good, old-fashioned hamburgers” don’t come cheap. American food is one of the few expensive things in Korea. Our lunch, which wasn’t extravagant, cost the equivalent of $60. Luckily the food was great—it really hit the spot.

Since bags are so inexpensive in Korea, Ed and I decided to buy backpacks for the kids for school. Itaewon was the best place for those, so we hailed a cab and took about a 30-minute cab ride. We intended to take the subway but found out the line to Itaewon was closed for repairs. I sat in the front and told the cabbie in Korean, “I want to go to Itaewon”. Luckily, he understood me and that’s exactly where we ended up. The ride took about 20 minutes and cost 6,000 won (about $4.60).

Once in Itaewon, we headed directly to the store where Ed purchased the overnight bag the day before. We tried to haggle for a cheaper price than we were first quoted, but then had to admit $18 for an Eddie Bauer backpack embroidered with a first name was a great deal. In fact when we got back to the states, we saw comparable bags for up to $60. Each child chose a different color; we paid and then agreed to return in an hour to pick up the bags.

Next we headed to a shopping center below the restaurant where we had eaten after the Han River Cruise, so Katie could buy a hand-painted banner of her Korean name to hang in her room. Many of the adoptees had purchased one the day before, so we had seen them and knew they were definitely worth the 10,000 won. While the artist was painting Katie’s banner, Ali bought a generic banner for the house with the Chinese character for “Happy” on it and Ed perused the CD’s on a nearby rack.

I decided to check out the jewelry inside. If nothing else, we would be able to cool down in the air conditioning. I wanted to find some earrings that weren’t too expensive and that were uniquely Korean. I lucked out—finding some jade half-moon earrings identical to the jade pieces hanging from the gold crown we had seen in the museum in Kyongju. And they were pretty cheap—20,000 won or about $15.

It was about time to pick up the backpacks so we did that and then hailed a cab back to Eastern. This time our cabbie spoke fluent English and astounded us with his knowledge of the United States. He ended up asking us geography and history questions about our own country that we were unable to answer. He was amusing and I know Ed got a “kick out of him”.

We had a little time before the Farewell Dinner so Ed and I relaxed and packed a little. The kids practiced the piano pieces they were going to play that evening. Before long it was time to get dressed. Katie looked proud as a peacock in her new hanbok. I took a picture of her with the twins and Amara who all had red in their outfits. Ed wore the new tiger and dragon shirt he bought at Doosan Tower and got many compliments. Ali and I wore the dresses we bought in Dallas for the girls’ gymnastics banquet, and Andrew wore the Dockers pants and shirts he wore earlier in the year for his Confirmation.

The Farewell Dinner was held in the Eastern dining room—the same place we had had our luncheon after the Eastern tour on our first day in Seoul. Everyone had dressed up for the occasion. The girls all wore hanboks except for Ali who didn’t mind a bit that she didn’t have one. The boys were all spit and polished. Before dinner, each of us received another gift from Eastern and the Dr. Kims. Korean people are really serious about this gift-giving thing. The kids and Ed each got a t-shirt with the Eastern logo. The mothers all received a travel bag with the same logo. The food was unbelievable again—and enough to feed an army.

Following dinner we listened to the Eastern choir—made up of about twenty women social workers from Eastern. Their voices were so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. It was an emotional evening already just knowing this was nearly the end of our road together. Ed took a picture of our two interpreters who luckily were standing side-by-side. Following the choir, our kids played their piano pieces, quite nicely I might add.

We knew presentations were going to be made, as we had donated money for gifts for Mr. Chae and Beverlee. Beverlee took the podium and talked about Mr. Chae and how happy she is they are working together. She told us Mr. Chae has really loosened up in the three years he has been doing the Dillon Homeland tours; we could tell it was more than just a job to him. She presented him with a camera so he could take his own pictures of the tourist sites he takes the group. Greta presented Beverlee with the money we had collected and the notes we had written. When Beverlee thanked us, there wasn’t a dry eye in the crowd. Beverlee made presentations to all the kids—thanking each one of them for something special they had done on the tour. She thanked Katie for her listening ability, because Katie had made sure Beverlee got her cell phone back when she had mistakenly left it on the bus. She thanked Ali for using her Korean to help find the bathroom in Taegu City. She thanked Andrew for being inquisitive and interested in all the sites we visited. She said he asked the most questions.

Following the presentations we all took lots and lots of pictures. We felt like movie stars as each family stood together so everyone in the group could snap a picture. We took many pictures of the adoptees as a group—with Dr. Kim, with the choir, with each other. We took pictures of the kids with Mr. Chae, with Ms. Park, with their friends. And then it was time to say “good night” and go back to our rooms to finish our packing. The reason packing took so long was trying to find room for all our purchases. Unfortunately, all our vases didn’t make it back intact. The one we bought for Randy broke into a hundred pieces. The one we bought for ourselves broke but Ed was able to fix it. The one Andrew’s Foster Mother gave us was fine as I carried it on the plane.

Saturday, July 7th

This was to be the longest day of our lives. Because Korea is 14 hours ahead of Dallas, we would be up a total of 30 hours before midnight. When we woke up at about 8:00 a.m., we only had about 4 hours before the bus was to leave for the airport. We didn’t want to wake the kids as they had been up pretty late partying. Ed and I decided to go for a walk instead of a run. We took our cameras and set out to see what else was in the neighborhood. We went left out of Eastern, past the LG 25 (the South Korean equivalent of a 7-11) and the optometrist shop where Andrew got his glasses. We kept making left turns in hopes of going around the block and ending back at Eastern. After our third turn, things started to look very unfamiliar. It became obvious that we hadn’t a clue which street Eastern was on or how to find it. It was very hot and I had to use the restroom. We both got a little panicky because we were in a strange country with no money and we didn’t speak the language. Luckily Ed started noticing landmarks he remembered seeing from the kitchen window. We made it back—hot, tired and grateful. We helped the kids put the finishing touches on their packing and then headed to the Baskin Robbins to spend most of the last of our won. They all had their new t-shirts on and Ed got a couple pictures by the LG 25 and on the way back to Eastern.

When everyone met at the bus with their luggage, we noticed a few extra passengers. We were taking three boy babies back with us—one to Dallas, one to Houston and one to Tulsa. They were between 4 months and 6 months old. Sadly we said goodbye to Ms. Park and the younger Dr. Kim. The babies’ foster mothers cried as they said goodbye to their little charges. Dr. Kim came into the bus, prayed for the babies as they began their journey to a new life in the United States, and then wished us a pleasant journey. It finally dawned on me that we were actually leaving.

Mr. Chae went with us for our last ride together—this time to the airport instead of from the airport. Our luggage followed us in the truck just as it had when we arrived. Beverlee gave one last speech telling us to be sure to say our goodbyes on the plane as once we land at LAX there won’t be any time. Everyone was having fun passing the babies back and forth and ooing and aahing. The ride went too quickly. When we arrived at the airport, we all thanked Mr. Chong and bid him farewell. His job was finished.

The group split up to check-in waiting in many different lines. After checking our luggage we all waited together to board the plane. The plane didn’t leave until 4:30 p.m. and it was scheduled to arrive in Los Angeles at 1:30 p.m.—three hours before it left. Mary Ellen asked Ed to take a picture of her with one of the babies. She was out of film just like I was. Luckily Ed could still cram a few more shots onto the digital. The kids and I scraped together a few won and went for some fast food. We hadn’t eaten lunch and we weren’t sure when we would get fed on the plane. We needn’t have worried. Lunch (or was it dinner) was served almost as soon as we boarded. It was sad saying goodbye to Mr. Chae—I forgot Koreans aren’t demonstrative with the opposite sex and inadvertently hugged him. He looked very uncomfortable, but it was too late.

Once inside the plane we had to juggle our seats a little so a man seated next to Andrew could sit next to his small son. That put Andrew sitting in the middle between two strangers again. Unfortunately, it couldn’t be helped. This time the plane ride seemed to go even quicker than the two hours shorter the flight was due to the tailwinds. We watched two movies again—Enemy at the Gate (that Andrew listened to in Korean because he selected the wrong channel on the dial) and The Emperor’s New Groove that the kids really enjoyed. We held the babies a little bit, but there didn’t seem to be much time to socialize. Eating and the movies took up most of our time. I don’t think anyone slept much at all. Once we got close to Los Angeles, some of the tour members went around saying “goodbye”. Since it really didn’t seem like we were leaving each other yet, it was hard for me to say goodbye at that time. Besides the exercises came on the TV screen and this time everyone seemed to join in wholeheartedly.

Once we deplaned, we had to pick up our luggage and go through customs. The customs agent made a remark about Ed traveling with his four children that made my day but probably didn’t make Ed feel very good. Everything moved very quickly and, as Beverlee had said, we didn’t have much time to say goodbye to each other. Everyone went their separate ways looking for their connecting flights. We had a little bit of trouble finding the terminal for our next flight and that, combined with being tired and hungry, made us all a little grouchy. We finally got situated and got our bags checked so we could go look for some grub. Everything looked very crowded and very expensive so we finally ended up at a Burger King where we spent $30.00 and got rude service. Welcome back to the good old U.S.A.

We had a few hours before our plane left for Dallas, and we found out it was going to be later still. For some reason the gate where we were to board was changed so we had to schlep everything over to the new gate. We saw Meredith and Greta at Burger King and later ran into them waiting with some of the others in the group going to Tulsa or Dallas. Lonna, Lauren and the baby they were escorting were coming to Dallas with us, as the parents, who actually live in Lubbock, were picking him up there. Of course, we were excited because we hoped there would be another opportunity to hold him. While we were waiting to board, I talked to Lonna about her son who had died. She explained that when they adopted him they expected him to live a full life span. The only physical thing wrong with him was that he was a dwarf. He had developed some snoring problems that were found to be life threatening if not surgically corrected. Somehow during the surgery his heart stopped; and although the doctors got his heart beating again, he had severe brain damage. He lived about six months after the operation, months that were very emotionally draining for the whole family. Lonna said going back to Jacob’s Home was very difficult for her not just because of the memories of her son but because she thought maybe the workers blamed her for his death.

The plane ride went quickly. We watched another movie that lasted almost two hours and held the baby one last time. When we arrived, we followed Lonna, Lauren and the baby off the plane, anxiously looking for the new parents. We were surprised that they were alone—no fanfare, no party. Perhaps it was because all their friends were in Lubbock. They had another child who was staying with her grandparents while they came to pick up her little brother. We told them their baby was so good throughout the whole trip—he hardly fussed or cried at all. They seemed nice enough and were very grateful when Lonna handed him over. We took a couple of pictures and they asked our names. They told us the baby’s name was going to be Seth Harris. I hoped we would see him again. Pat and Sherry were there to meet us. We were pretty exhausted by this time but managed to give them the highlights of the trip on our ride to their house. We didn’t arrive home until almost midnight.

Conclusion

All of us slept until nearly 1:00 p.m. on Sunday—about 13 hours straight. The girls and I went to Texas Stadium to hear N’Sync Sunday night, and then it was back to work on Monday. We didn’t feel as bad as we thought we would although getting up early was difficult for almost two weeks.

After we had been back for about a week, we had the kids write letters to grandparents, aunts and uncles about the trip. Everyone agreed the trip was a big success. We got some interesting insights from Andrew. He definitely felt the meeting at Ester’s House gave him new insights into his mother’s motivations. He said he now feels she was courageous to give him up, whereas before he had only felt anger. Over the course of the next few months, we noticed many positive changes in his attitude. I think Katie had a little trouble getting back into her humdrum existence. She definitely didn’t want the party to end. But the main thing is, we all loved Korea. Andrew and Katie are now proud to call themselves Koreans, and they know why they are proud. Ed and I are proud to have Korean children and Ali is proud to have a Korean brother and sister. Andrew and Katie feel more in touch with their roots and so do we.

We want to go back. Ed and I decided, as we had surmised, Katie was a little too young to get the full benefit of the trip. She had a great time and made some friends, but it wasn’t “life changing” like it was for Andrew. We’ve toyed with the idea of going back in five years when Katie is 15 and Andrew is 18. I always say, “If it’s meant to be, it will be.”